I just can't..

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by whoaaxxsamm, Aug 20, 2010.

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  1. whoaaxxsamm

    whoaaxxsamm Well-Known Member

    Well, I don't even know what to say.
    I don't want any replied either.
    I'm just writing to see my thoughts really.

    I feel the end is near.
    It scares me, but I know what I am capable of.
    I just don't want to go on anymore.

    I have my sister, but I don't think she would realise that I was gone.
    I have my mom, but I know with me leaving, there would be less stress.
    I have my dad, but we hardly speak and he has a new family now.
    I have my best friend, but she doesn't ever take the time to call me. She won't care.
    I have no friends, no family.
    I have no one; I'm alone.

    People run from me; it's time for me to run from myself.
    I don't blame anyone for running.
    I hate what I do, I hate how I act, I hate who I am.
    I try to change, but I don't know how.
    I stuck, but not for long.

    I want to go to College, I want to go traveling, I want a life, but I just don't think I deserve any of that.
    I have hurt so many people, I deserve to be put in the ground.
    At the same time, I deserve to live, and feel this horrible, because of what I have done to others.
    I'm stuck.

    I don't want to be another statistic, I don't want to be a coward, but I don't want to live like this.
    It can't be changed, I've tried.

    My sister is disabled, I love her to death, but it hurts me at the same time.
    Everyone stares, and points.
    She doesn't deserve that, It breaks my heart to see.
    I don't want to have to see that anymore.
    She can't even tell me that she loves me, when I lover her more than anything.

    I also feel stupid, because there are people out there that have it far worse, but I stil want to die.
    If I were in their situation, I would already be dead.
    I just want to go, so all these feelings will leave, so all the pain will leave.

    I'm so alone.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    WRONG your mother will have so much more stress if you leave you will never know but ido okay ask parents here how stressed they are after their child left
    you will be killing everyone you leave behind. not a lie not judgement just the facts i die everytime she tries to kill herself i die a bit with her oh you dont' get it a childs death is never forgotten it eats away like cancer in your soul.
     
  3. A_pixie

    A_pixie Well-Known Member

    If you are afraid it proves in itself that your desire to end it all isn't right.

    You aren't sure, so don't do it. Not only this but saying that your family wouldn't miss you is wrong because families have a tendancy to be stoic and hide their feelings for fear of causing drama.

    Ask yourself this: is there anyone who has come across happiness and EXPECTED it? For want of a better example, a lottery winner: they had no clue they held the winning ticket for example, it just HIT THEM.

    That is the nature of happiness and by the law of averages, it will hit you sometime in your life, and I hope it will be soon. Don't end it. I think that you will look back on these feelings once you are in a better place and breathe a sigh of relief that you did not throw your life away.

    I am here if you want to talk, please PM me.

    xxxxxx
     
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