I just don't care anymore

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by dink, Sep 23, 2007.

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  1. dink

    dink Well-Known Member

    I am so fed up with all of this shit! Being pregnant is supposed to be a happy time, full of joy and closeness. I have neither. I also have no symptoms. Nothing. I am at least 8 weeks and I feel no different than any other time. It worries me.

    Mike is a FUCKING ASS!! I talked to him for a few minutes yesterday. FUCKING ASS!! I told him that I wanted to go to the ER today (Saturday). He proceeded to tell me that he had planned on going to Louisville to play in that poker tourney. Then he was supposed to have dinner with Stacy. I told him to just forget it..I will take care of it. He starts getting pissy with me. He doesn't call me, he doesn't answer his texts, and I haven't seen him since he had me buy food for him. That has been two weeks ago or more. He told me that it is my fault. Mainly because I didn't go to pool this week. First, I never even agreed to play this session. Second, like I really want to be around Stacy. Third, I would have to take the bus home..oh so much fun. I told him that it would be nice to do something that was fun, not something that we had to do. His response..."oh, so we have to be doing something fun?" FUCKING ASS!! But he can go out to dinner with that BITCH. Fuck her and her bullshit with telling him that I am cheating on him. STUPID BITCH!! I ended up telling him to have fun with Stacy and hung up. He hasn't called back. Oh well, shows where I rank in his life. FUCKING ASS!! Plus the fact that he was wanting to go 100 miles from home to play in that poker tourney, mean while...have you paid ANY of your bills? Not hard to guess the answer to that one. NO!! He got paid on Friday, so go and spend it. Never mind that your rent is two months behind, it will be three in another week. He hasn't paid his electric, cable, water, phone (except when they shut it off because he hadn't paid it), nothing. I guess when he gets evicted, he can go and move in with Stacy. He needs to grow the fuck up and start acting like a responsible adult instead of a child. I am expecting his fucking child, but he would rather go and do anything but care.

    Fuck him if he thinks that he can treat me this way and still expect to have anything to do with this. Like he will care anyway. I guess everyone else was right on this. It really makes me mad to think that I was so wrong. I guess that he doesn't realize that I am off almost all of my meds, plus my hormones are totally fucked. But his ego is much more important. FUCKING ASS!! So, I won't have to saddle this kid with the name of Kelso. I can name it what ever the hell I want. He has no say. Hell, he doesn't want it to be his anyway. FUCKING ASS!!

    I really hope that he is out having the time of his fucking life with Stacy. I am not going to put up with his shit. A part of me wants to go over to his house when he is at work and get my stuff. Like namely, my play station. Plus, all of my phone numbers for my phone are on his computer. I asked him to e-mail the list to me, but that would mean doing something for someone else. It really does hurt me in knowing that he doesn't fucking care. That poker and dinner with that BITCH is more important than me being able to find out if there is something wrong with this pregnancy. He is good at finding a way of making nothing his fault. He transfers blame very easily. Nothing is his fault. It is always someone else's. And I guess he will spend the rest of his life making sure to blame anyone but himself. Because everyone is out to sabotage his life. Even God steps in and makes him miss pool shots. Because the whole world is out to get him.

    I actually feel bad for Mark and William. They both lent him money. But so did his friend Greg, at least eight months ago, and he still hasn't paid him back. So, the chances of them seeing their money any time soon is slim to none. Well, it's not my problem.

    FUCKING ASS!!
     
  2. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    You are better off without him hun. I would get my things and start my life down a fresh path that does not include him. He sounds very self absorbed. You also need to get prenatal care for you and the baby. The first trimester is very important. You mentioned in a previous post that you couldn't get in to see a doc. Did you make an appointment anyway? Please take care of yourself. You are important. :hug:
     
  3. dink

    dink Well-Known Member

    I have an appointment set up, but it isn't for another month. The doctor's office (OB) can't get me in. Why? I have no idea. It just feels like my entire world is falling apart piece by piece. He tried to call this morning...SCREW HIM!! Plus he woke me up, I am having a hard enough time getting any sleep as is. He cared so much as to being able to try and call me yesterday. I am tired of him only being available when it is convenient for him. I am just tired of all of this.
     
  4. dink

    dink Well-Known Member

    Now he wants to fucking talk. Fuck him! And he is still trying to make this my fault. I swear I can't take this shit right now. I don't want to have to deal with any of this period. I am so mad. He thinks that the fucking world is supposed to revolve around him. I ask him to take me to the ER, but no...there were more fucking important things to do, like play poker and go out with Stacy. How exactly am I supposed to take that. Now he say "but I would have dropped everything". Right, that is why you waited until today to call. Because yesterday you were too busy. Fuck off and leave me the hell alone.
     
  5. Christianv2

    Christianv2 Well-Known Member

    Im sorry your getting treated this way, you don't deserve that. If he doesnt want to talk to you and be with you, then forget it, you worry about you and try and be happy, do what you want to do and take care of your baby. I wish you all the luck in the world with you and your baby, I hope everything turns out for the best. :)
     
  6. dink

    dink Well-Known Member

    I can't do this anymore. I don't want to do it anymore either. I am so tired of being shit on. Tired of having everything be my fault whether I had anything to do with it or not. Mike seems to be able to blame just about everything on me. Sometimes straight out and sometimes in a round about way. I just want my world to end. I want to die. I don't want to be the reason that everyone else is miserable. I don't want to be the person that is always supposed to be there for everyone. All that I really wanted was just for someone, anyone to even act like they care. You know instead of expecting me to fix all of their problems, to maybe just once ask if they could help me. Or if I need to talk instead of just automatically dumping all of their shit onto me. What I really don't like (almost hate) is when someone feigns interest in me and the things that I might need help with just so that they can end up talking about themselves. It's like by asking me if I'm ok, no matter what my response, they launch into everything that is wrong in their lives, and I am supposed to have the answers to fix it.

    I just want to not be here anymore. I want to die a peaceful death. Then no one will have to pretend like anything in my life matters. The world will be better off without me. I am so sorry.
     
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