I Just Dont Care....

[tainted-angel]

Have ya ever wanted to end it sooo badly....that even without thinkin about it, your body is even trying to do it...
Like tonight i was driving my car, and automatically i steered off toward the side off the road...my friend had to grab the wheel....i didnt even realiase i was doin it...

But i know....for sure....

I want to die..

Ive never been so sure about anything before in my life.....
ever....

Like, im 22 on monday....fukin dreadin it.... I cant afford my car anymore....its at risk of being repossssed....i have 3 stupid part time jobs...that are gonna get me nowhere in life (and i have a meeting at half3 tomoro to get a fukin stupid warning for sendin a stupid text!!)....i have a dad who beats me, a mum whos given up, and a bro and sis who are too young to understand...

Whats the point...?
And my friends are happy and not the type of friends you could talk to with things like this...

I just wana give up

I dont wanna do it anymore..
Ive tried the whole talkin thing.....
so much so that ive made cds for my car that have nothing but songs about wanting to die and running away and stuff....like tryin to give them a message tha way....
but it doesnt workk

nothing seems to work...
live = fail
death = i still fail after so many fuckin stupid ass attempts....

I swear it will work....i swear i will make it work....
I swear to God...
I need it too....I cant do this anymore.... I really cant....

ive been giving up slowly but surely for so long,....and this is it....
Ive finally fallen....and cant get back up again....
and to be honest i dont know if i want to.....

I just dont care anymore....

:wallbash:
:wallbash:
:wallbash:
:wallbash:
:wallbash:
:wallbash:
:wallbash:
:wallbash:

 

[Ants]

Boy do I understand! I know I'll get past it because I've done it before. I am just about ready to run again. That is the way I have dealt with it in the past, I drastically change my enviornment. Do let you get you! I was 23 in the same frame of mind, went to California to see the sun set over the ocean before I cashed in my chips. 30 years later and even though my life sucks as bad as it ever has, at this point in my life there have been many things I am glad I was able to experience. Now that I am over fifty it is harder to see the sense of it all, that's why I came here, to.... hell I don't know... to find a little hope? Jesus, that's a little convoluted isn't it? Hang in there, as bad as this life sucks it has some beautiful moments that do make it worthwhile. I am crying as I write this.. telling you about hope... man am I screwed up.