I just don't feel anything anymore.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by MachineLola, Nov 3, 2012.

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  1. MachineLola

    MachineLola New Member

    I've been feeling suicidal a lot more than usual recently. I've been fighting with my fiancee a ton, over small, stupid things. He's been tired and grumpy, and short tempered, and he just started a new job. I have horrible jealousy issues, and no matter what, I can't seem to get over them. He works with a lot of women, and I've asked him, "Before you met me, would you have thought she was attractive/dated her/checked her out?" And, since I've told him to always be honest, he sometimes answers with a yes. I get angry/hurt, and I close myself down. I've been cheated on in the past, and I'm afraid it will happen again. He gets mad because I won't tell him what's wrong, and once I do, he gets even angrier, because my jealousy is stupid, because he's with me, and he doesn't want them.
    And we both start yelling, and sometimes I even throw things at him, it's just horrible. I'm not a violent person, usually.
    My jealousy has always been like this, and that, along with my social anxiety is just reaching it's limit. I feel like I'm not even myself anymore, and I just want to die already. I can't take this anymore, I hate myself, I don't even want to be who I am, I feel caged in my own body. I tried to cut myself tonight, but it didn't help at all, I used to be a big cutter, but I stopped for over a year, recently I've started again, and it just never helps anymore. I think about suicide so much that I even wrote a suicide letter recently, but I'll never have the guts to actually do it. I've tried it before a few times, with no success. I'm just so, soo tired..
  2. StevenSiew

    StevenSiew Well-Known Member

    I think you need to ask him for help. If you do not trust him, then the relationship is not going to work.
  3. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    You may want to consider trying therapy; that might help with your jealousy issues. There has to be trust in the relationship, and I think you need help in learning how to trust again, probably largely due to the fact that you've been cheated on in the past. Therapy may also help you find alternative ways of dealing with your anger, so that it doesn't get out of control to the point where you throw things.
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