I've been feeling suicidal a lot more than usual recently. I've been fighting with my fiancee a ton, over small, stupid things. He's been tired and grumpy, and short tempered, and he just started a new job. I have horrible jealousy issues, and no matter what, I can't seem to get over them. He works with a lot of women, and I've asked him, "Before you met me, would you have thought she was attractive/dated her/checked her out?" And, since I've told him to always be honest, he sometimes answers with a yes. I get angry/hurt, and I close myself down. I've been cheated on in the past, and I'm afraid it will happen again. He gets mad because I won't tell him what's wrong, and once I do, he gets even angrier, because my jealousy is stupid, because he's with me, and he doesn't want them. And we both start yelling, and sometimes I even throw things at him, it's just horrible. I'm not a violent person, usually. My jealousy has always been like this, and that, along with my social anxiety is just reaching it's limit. I feel like I'm not even myself anymore, and I just want to die already. I can't take this anymore, I hate myself, I don't even want to be who I am, I feel caged in my own body. I tried to cut myself tonight, but it didn't help at all, I used to be a big cutter, but I stopped for over a year, recently I've started again, and it just never helps anymore. I think about suicide so much that I even wrote a suicide letter recently, but I'll never have the guts to actually do it. I've tried it before a few times, with no success. I'm just so, soo tired..