I am 40. I lost my job in 2010 and a life that I created. Lost my home. Found work again in 2011 and have been so depressed I hated it there, quit and thought I would find something better, but I havent. I am homeless now. I dont have a will to live. I have sought help before only to have it sort of backfire on me, twice. I bought a gun in 2001 for the purpose of blowing my head off. I have put the gun in my mouth a few times, and pointed it at my temple. I hate myself that I cant pull the trigger. I have thought about <Mod Edit, WildCherry: Methods>. I have thought about going to the hospital but I dont have insurance, or money, and all they will do is bill me. I have told my doctor before that I am very depressed and he wouldnt offer me anything. I just dont get it. Life that is. Mine is full of pain, bad memories and sadness. Since I was 17 the thought of living was hard. I am so alone, no friends, no job, no life no future. I run away and feel safter to be alone but depressed that I am a lone. I want to be with other people but its hard. I want to find love but it avoids me. I've failed this life, myself, my family. My father is verbally abusive and emotionally abusive. How did I become such a loser.. I dont like myself, I dont like anything. I am very angry, I am so so sad, I am exhausted and I dont want to live anymore. I dont feel loved, I dont feel that I fit in anywhere, I dont belong, I feel that know one likes me.