I just dont know anymore

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by sean5749, Mar 21, 2013.

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  1. sean5749

    sean5749 New Member

    I am 40. I lost my job in 2010 and a life that I created. Lost my home. Found work again in 2011 and have been so depressed I hated it there, quit and thought I would find something better, but I havent. I am homeless now. I dont have a will to live. I have sought help before only to have it sort of backfire on me, twice. I bought a gun in 2001 for the purpose of blowing my head off. I have put the gun in my mouth a few times, and pointed it at my temple. I hate myself that I cant pull the trigger. I have thought about <Mod Edit, WildCherry: Methods>. I have thought about going to the hospital but I dont have insurance, or money, and all they will do is bill me. I have told my doctor before that I am very depressed and he wouldnt offer me anything. I just dont get it. Life that is. Mine is full of pain, bad memories and sadness. Since I was 17 the thought of living was hard. I am so alone, no friends, no job, no life no future. I run away and feel safter to be alone but depressed that I am a lone. I want to be with other people but its hard. I want to find love but it avoids me. I've failed this life, myself, my family. My father is verbally abusive and emotionally abusive. How did I become such a loser.. I dont like myself, I dont like anything. I am very angry, I am so so sad, I am exhausted and I dont want to live anymore. I dont feel loved, I dont feel that I fit in anywhere, I dont belong, I feel that know one likes me.
     
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Hi, and welcome to the site. I'm sorry for what you've been through, and what you continue to deal with on a daily basis. I'm glad you joined though... this is a way for you to reach out, connect with others who have similar experiences and possibly make some friends. That might at least help to ease the loneliness.

    Is there any possible way you could see a different doctor? It seems pretty unfair that you told your doctor how you feel, and he didn't offer you anything.
     
  3. katrina77

    katrina77 Guest

    I'm so sorry that you are experiencing so much pain.

    I don't know where you are located, but is it possible that you are eligible for any type of free medical care or counseling? Your last doctor sure doesn't sound like they did anything for you, but another doctor might.

    Please try to hang on a bit longer. Continue reaching out to us, and maybe we can find something that will help.
     
  4. sean5749

    sean5749 New Member

    Thanks for responding to me. I know the problem is my own and the more I just carry on the more it will continue to cause problems, but I dont know how to get help when I have tryed in the past and failed. I am embarassed. If I just go on like I do I still carry this dead ach in my stomach.. I am self defeating and outside the box.
     
  5. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    You've joined here, which is a step in the right direction. It shows you're trying, that you want help.
     
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