...I'm not the best user on here. I guess I really feel depressed lately. For a living, I write about suicides around my area and most of it never becomes published because no one wants to read about the local suicides. Every week I end up seeing a dead body on train tracks or with his/her head gone. I just really feel depressed. I do whatever I can to help people but I always end up hurting them at the end of the day. I feel so worthless. It's strange you know? I graduate in the top of my major, I'm leaving for Tokyo University on my birthday this summer, and life just works. I just feel so depressed at night...or whenever I'm alone. It's sad, I want to be left alone lately but when I am alone, I just draw myself out and it just feels like I'm not in control of my body anymore. I think about suicide almost daily now... ...I'm just not emotional stable for anything at the moment. Nothing makes sense to me...I'm not afraid of death but I hope that I can die easy today. What makes all of this worse, I'm not even 20 until this summer. I'm just so fucked up.