I just don't know anymore...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Princeofhope, May 20, 2007.

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  1. Princeofhope

    Princeofhope Well-Known Member

    ...I'm not the best user on here.

    I guess I really feel depressed lately.

    For a living, I write about suicides around my area and most of it never becomes published because no one wants to read about the local suicides.

    Every week I end up seeing a dead body on train tracks or with his/her head gone.

    I just really feel depressed. I do whatever I can to help people but I always end up hurting them at the end of the day. I feel so worthless. It's strange you know?

    I graduate in the top of my major, I'm leaving for Tokyo University on my birthday this summer, and life just works. I just feel so depressed at night...or whenever I'm alone.

    It's sad, I want to be left alone lately but when I am alone, I just draw myself out and it just feels like I'm not in control of my body anymore. I think about suicide almost daily now...

    ...I'm just not emotional stable for anything at the moment. Nothing makes sense to me...I'm not afraid of death but I hope that I can die easy today.

    What makes all of this worse, I'm not even 20 until this summer.

    I'm just so fucked up.
  2. Erebos

    Erebos Well-Known Member

    That's quite depressing, having to write about local suicides. This isn't something you're stuck with, is it? Perhaps changing jobs will be more lucrative and allow you to distance yourself from these situations. Are you looking forward to Tokyo? Attending such a prestigious school in a well established city may give you the boost you need.
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