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I just don't know anymore...

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by riz, Nov 25, 2007.

  1. riz

    riz Senior Member

    So. This is probably the first time I've been able to get this out...so here goes.

    I've been confused.
    Well, more than confused.
    About my sexuality.

    I'm 20. I've never dated. No one has shown any interest.
    I've been really lonely over the years.
    Especially in High School.
    Dances and such never appealed to me.

    Now. Like many lonely women, I've had to turn to "other" forms of enjoyment.
    Porn mostly, just to be honest.

    Me and a friend, (a friend that doesn't know about my confusion)
    had a discussion about what makes a person gay.

    He was saying that if you ever found out that the person was looking at gay porn, you know that they are gay, because otherwise--why would they want to look at it? Right. Sounds like it makes sense.

    Except that when I look at porn, it doesn't matter what kind, I just am curious.
    I look at many kinds.

    Now, I'm sorry if this is too much information, but it's been causing me some problems.

    Here's the question.
    If I look at gay porn, (girl-on-girl) does that make me gay?

    -I don't see myself being with a women, but
    -In desperation, I can see myself experimenting.

    Damn. I'm sorry. Anyone willing to coach me through this?
  2. I think it's just a situation of curiousity. I know I've have my moments of wonder. And I don't believe that "experimenting" necessarily makes you gay. You'd just want to see if you enjoy it or not, perhaps? And if you don't see yourself being with a woman, like you said, I think you're just doing what I consider pretty normal. Being curious.
  3. Bigman2232

    Bigman2232 Well-Known Member

    First off, this is just my opinion and I am a guy. But I actually can completely understand how a girl (even if she isn't gay) can enjoy or at least look at girl on girl porn. Generally the bodies are much more pleasant and the type of interaction is generally much more gentler. Who better to know what turns a girl on than another girl. In the male/female porn you find a lot of dominant male, sweet innocent (and made to be stupid) female. This is fine for guys cause the male mind doesn't care about story or emotions, they just want a hot girl getting pounded. Female mind gets off as much if not more on the idea of things rather than just seeing it.

    So I wouldn't say that looking makes you gay.
  4. Smashed__

    Smashed__ Well-Known Member

    I'm in the same place but younger.

    I've never dated, never had anyone interested and now having moved and been out of school so long I don't know anyone. I consider myself bisexual, but honestly don't know 100%. I could have sex with a woman(or man) and never want that again. I don't know that I'd ever beable to be with a woman forever, but have tonsof curiosities and find myself quite attracred to women and men. :unsure:

    I don't think looking, wearing, or saying anything makes you gay.
  5. Yana

    Yana Active Member


    You are sooo not alone! I've come across many people who are confused. The bottom line is that noone can tell you 'what you are', you have to work it out for yourself and that takes thinking, experimenting, finding someone, time, personal growth etc. I dont think any form of experimentation makes you something so dont feel guilty or worry about something you enjoy, just go with what feels ok for you. Experimentation is natural and fun. I've read academic texts that say sexuality is flexible. At either end you have firmly heterosexual and firmly homosexual and then most people fit somewhere in between, and the exact place can vary and change depending on where you are at in your life. You could refuse to define yourself and just be you, not needing a label. i dont think you should pressurise yourself into deciding who you are. You are young and you will change and grow over the coming years, and who you are and what you like will adapt with that too. You say you are lonely. What about joining some groups - maybe a bisexuality group just to make friends and see how you feel in that environment - you can always leave if it is not your thing. I also agree with what someone else wrote - watching porn for women can be much more pleasant and easy on the eye. Much porn for men does seem pretty degrading and objectifying and focuses on male satisfaction. Plus if you watch women you are also learning what could be pleasing for you ie curiosity! I dont know if that helps but you can always PM me if you like. Now go watch some TV and enjoy yourself!! :)
  6. riz

    riz Senior Member

    Thank you guys so much for your advice.

    I definitely agree with the comment about girl-on-girl porn vs. hetero porn. Men seem so much more in charge, and WAY less affectionate. That really seems to bother me, and turns me off a lot. (I mean, I don't really watch THAT much porn, but I see what you're saying. lol)

    But I think I could join some sort of bisexual group somewhere, because there is nothing wrong with meeting a few new people, no matter what they're into. And maybe it will help me settle it all out--because I can't see myself being this confused for much longer. It really sucks.

    Thanks guys.
  7. Beattles

    Beattles Well-Known Member

    im sure your a beautiful woman regardless of how much attention you have.
    dare i say it, but i prolly would go out with ya for a bit if itd make you or anyone else happy. maybe i shouldnt have said that over the net but i did so call me for all that is man....

    watching girl on girl porn dosnt make you a lesbian either.
    one of my biggest turn ons (im a dude) was the shower rape scene in the prison of the movie American History X and i love bukkake videos as well. no homo for me though.
    of course, your man friend is closed minded in the watching porno movies dictates you preferences thing. a reply like that from another dude does not suprise me at all.