i just don't know anymore..

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by twoyears, Mar 2, 2008.

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  1. twoyears

    twoyears Guest

    i'm new.
    i don't know why i came here.
    to find like-minded souls, i suppose.
    it's been a long time coming. i've tried numerous times. i don't know how to make this stop anymore. it's like i can no longer be happy at all. it's such a secret. i've been called the golden girl. they would be shocked. little do they know i picture myself dying every day.
  2. diver200

    diver200 Senior Member

    I know what you are saying. I am new here too. It has been tough putting on a mask everyday, making everyone think I was happy, when all the time wanting to find a way to die and make it look like an accident. . .just so i won't leave a path of devistation. I am tired of living and truly have a death wish. I'm hoping that this forum will help. two years of therapy, tons of medication, and really trying don't seem to work. I've come to the conclusion that I was just destined to be unhappy. I share your feelings on that. Let's stick together since we seem like minded. . . ... . . ..
  3. danni

    danni Chat Buddy

    I'm here if you wanna tlk hun :hug:
  4. twoyears

    twoyears Guest

    i like both of you...thank you.

    yea..i completely agree with you.
    everyday i think about ways that i can make it look like an accident.
    and if i'm actually honest with myself, i have been doing this since i was 10.
    i'm just so sick of putting on the good face, being the person that everyone comes to when they need help. i'm known as the happy-go-lucky girl with all the friends, great family, blah blah blah. i just so wish i could spill my guts to all of them, let them know that i am hurting, but i'm so afraid.
  5. diver200

    diver200 Senior Member

    Sometimes it gets so bad, I don't care if it does look like an accident. I've thought of the perfect solution. get raging drunk, take every pill in my medicine cabinet, hang myself from a bridge, then shoot myself in the head as I fall. BUT. . . .I do know I need to stay the course. I have a great wife and two kids, and I can not devistate them. So I put on the mask, and try to feel happy.. . . . .i'm not, but I try. . . .
  6. twoyears

    twoyears Guest

    yes. i am with you.
    i have a lot to live for.
    people, that is.
    my mum would not be able to go on,
    she has lost everyone but me,
    and my other would be beside himself.
    i feel like i am too old for this.
    i feel like i should have resolved this ages ago
    but it persists.
    constantly, consistently.
    i brought it up to him the other day...the events in my past...and he seemed so hurt and shocked that i wanted to suck every word right back in. it's tiresome living for others though.
    when do i get to live for myself..
  7. diver200

    diver200 Senior Member

    I'm hearing you on being too old for this. I'm 47 and have been fighting this since I was 7-8 years old. that is why i am SO tired.... I am not always sure how much longer.......
  8. Rosenrot

    Rosenrot Forum Buddy

    Welcome to the forum.

    You'll find quite a bit of like-minded souls here.
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