i just don't know how to cope anymore

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Mayuna, Oct 27, 2010.

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  1. Mayuna

    Mayuna Member

    I don't know what to do anymore. I can't think of anymore reasons as to why I should stay here in this hellacious life I've been handed. I'm tired of dealing with crap from everyone and I'm so tired of it all being the same. Every year it's the same holidays, seasons and problems. I can't take it anymore, I don't want to be here anymore but I can't go because I'm not selfish. I don't want my children to grow up with out a mother...I don't want to send my husband probably to his own suicide if I were gone and I can't leave my mom but at the same time I hate them all for making me feel so guilty...it's my life!! I want it to end!!! Isn't that my right to decide? Not theirs...mine...

    I don't know how much longer I can hold out for. I've been drinking a lot lately and crying even more....there's no happiness for me anywhere...I have a bad feeling one little thing is going to send me reeling over my mental ledge and I will snap.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    When you had children your focus has to turn to them and their care. YOur love as a mother should always matter over your sadness. You can get help for your depression GET HELP okay YOu do not have to continue on like this get therapy get new meds do whatever it takes to make you well again for your children and your husband and for YOU
     
  3. Mayuna

    Mayuna Member

    I hate therapists. I was sent to them my entire life as a child and I can't stand to sit there and pay a person to talk to, I can't get over seeing it as a weakness; being utterly pathetic. I was on meds once but I hated the way they made me feel, too happy and outgoing I know that sounds backwards but I enjoy being anti-social, so I OD'd. That didn't go so well though since I'm still alive almost ten years later.

    The problems aren't going to go away because the people who are causing them aren't going to go away. It's always the same crap every day and it's strangling me. I hate thinking that I have to go another sixty years or so of the same nonsense. I don't want to leave my children and I won't until they're old enough to be able to take care of themselves and understand the world better. It's just getting harder every day to keep this in mind.
     
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    People are not going to go away then set boundaries on these people if they are making your life miserable set boundaries so they cannot. YOu are in charge of youfamily your life make it so they can't bother you
     
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