I don't know what to do anymore. I can't think of anymore reasons as to why I should stay here in this hellacious life I've been handed. I'm tired of dealing with crap from everyone and I'm so tired of it all being the same. Every year it's the same holidays, seasons and problems. I can't take it anymore, I don't want to be here anymore but I can't go because I'm not selfish. I don't want my children to grow up with out a mother...I don't want to send my husband probably to his own suicide if I were gone and I can't leave my mom but at the same time I hate them all for making me feel so guilty...it's my life!! I want it to end!!! Isn't that my right to decide? Not theirs...mine... I don't know how much longer I can hold out for. I've been drinking a lot lately and crying even more....there's no happiness for me anywhere...I have a bad feeling one little thing is going to send me reeling over my mental ledge and I will snap.