I Just Dont Know... Plz respond

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by CantSeeClearly, Jul 22, 2008.

  1. CantSeeClearly

    CantSeeClearly New Member

    i've never done this before... tellin ppl how i felt was never something i was good at. im scared somebodys gonna think im crazy an mayb i am... mayb they should. but thats not the point the point is i need 2 talk to someone who mayb feels like i do... like every day waking up is like jumping into the deep end of a pool knowing u cant swim... like the world is trying so damn hard to smother n drown u until u either learn to swim or die trying...

    ive had moments wen i get real depressed over the years but i havent felt like this (giving up) in a long time. My younger sister is leaving for college next week. and i know it sounds dumb but im jealous... i couldnt go away to school... i didnt have the grades. wen i first started college i had no choice but to go to community college... no one else accepted me. and i couldnt even stay there. i did a whole 3 semesters. WOW. and now i get to stay @ home with my parents while i watch everybody gush n coo about baby girl going to school... it doesnt help that she thinks shes the shit bcuz of it eitha... she loves that part. its not that i stay home and do nothing with my life tho... i work in a mall but most of the time i spend my dayz takin care of my father... he's sick but he was doing better. until recently when they told us his heart was failing. and im scared as hell. here is the man who dropped out of seminary school to make sure i graduated high school and hes dying... he's my best friend.. and i dont know whats up anymore...

    i gotta stop... i was gonna try n get everything off my chest @ 1ce but its just 2 hard right now.... i just need a friend. someone who doesnt know me and cant judge what they see me 2 be against how rediculous my insecurities are..... if anyone can b that for me... id really appreciate it. cuz ive been struggling in this deep end of life for about week now... and im tired... i dont think i can swim....
  2. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    No one here will judge you.

    I am sorry about your father. I really hope he pulls through.
    You said you work at the mall? Do you enjoy your job? Or at least who you work with?

    If you ever need someone to talk to feel free to send me a private message :hug:

    and :welcome: to the forum.
  3. aki

    aki Well-Known Member

    Hi, I totally know how you feel. The feeling that your life is just going nowhere and being jealous of people who seem have to so many oppurtunities and are having the time of their lives. But I kind of stopped being so hard on myself lately and stopped comparing myself with others. Everyone is different and goes at their own pace.
    I'm really sorry everything is so overwhelming right now and that your dad is sick. I really hope he gets better.
    If you want to you can pm me. :) Welcome to the forum.
  4. Xenta

    Xenta Well-Known Member

    I am sorry to hear about your father, and I hope he pulls through.

    And like fromthatshow said no one here will judge you. I know how it feels to see the people around you seem to pass you by in life. But every one has there own pace in life, some faster then others. You said you attended a community college for three semesters, what made you stop going? If you don't mind me asking.

    And :welcome: to the forums.

  5. CantSeeClearly

    CantSeeClearly New Member

    i stopped going because i really dont know what i want to do with my life anymore... there were some things i wanted to do but that my parents didnt want me to do and they refused to pay for me to go. like i said i was never good in school but when i took correspondence courses i was excellent. so now that i want to go to an online school.. they're giving me bs on that too. im jus tired of trying....
  6. Xenta

    Xenta Well-Known Member

    Ya my parents are not to happy with me right now ether, up until about two months ago I thought I was going into computers. I'm 2 semesters away from graduating, and now I don't if that's what I want to do with my life. Just remember its your future not your parents future, and you should keep trying to do what makes you happy. If you ever need any one to vent to feel free to pm me. I can't guarantee that I can help, but I can try.

    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 23, 2008