I just don't know what to do anymore...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Masquerade167, Mar 8, 2018.

  1. Masquerade167

    Masquerade167 New Member

    I'm 24 and since a young age I've had so much responsibility. As of right now I'm working 2 jobs paying my bills and also my mothers. She just had brain surgery back in August for a rare cancerous brain tumor, she just completed her radiation about a week ago but she still has the cancer which they say will probably not go away since the severity of it. I take care of her 7 days a week which is very exhausting, I have a younger sister who is of no help, her only concerns is getting high and keeping her head up her boyfriend's ass. I can't ask my dad for help because he's an alcoholic on the verge of death due to how much and how often he drinks. I dread calling him because every time I do all he wants is money for more alcohol, this usually happens every other day after about the second week of the month when he's spent all of his check. My boyfriend of 6 years is no support what so ever, he does not work and is constantly trying to force me to move out of state because he claims he can't find work here when he doesn't even try. Everyday he makes me feel like I'm just a worthless piece of shit even though I work myself to death I make sure we have a roof over our heads and food on our table. He also has a very big issue with me taking care of my mother, claims I don't spend enough time with him (note my second job is getting paid to take care of her which I'm not going to just sit home and get paid for not going to her house). I honestly I have gotten to a point where I can not handle living like this anymore, where I put everyone else before myself to the point where I've neglected my own health just to have people treat me like none of it's ever good enough. I stay so depressed that <mod edit - methods> I used to be so happy with life now I just go to bed and hope I don't wake up the next day. I just don't know what to do anymore...
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 8, 2018
  2. walkerbait95

    walkerbait95 SF Social Media Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Hi there
    Sounds like you've sure got a lot going on. It's very cool that you're stepping up and taking care of your mother. I'm sure that she appreciates it, whether she's able to verbalize that or not. It's a very "adult" thing that you're doing. That being said you're not really a full on adult yet either. You're still a young adult so you're kind of trapped in that in between life. Sounds like you've been growing up real fast. Seems maybe you are gonna have to make some other tough choices about things that perhaps you aren't prepared for being this young. Maybe your dad doesn't deserve to have as much contact as he does with you. Or maybe you have to cut off any finances from him completely and see what happens.

    And your boyfriend is being pretty hard on things. You're 24. Is this the guy you plan on marrying and having a family with and seeing yourself with for the rest of your life? If it is then that's great and you guys can look ahead to that and it creates more decisions for you. BUT you never said anything good about him in this post. Nothing. You didn't say you love him, you didn't say "he's usually great but..", you didn't say some of the things that make me think this is the guy for you in the long term. He's comfortable and someone to go home to. He makes you feel bad and calls you names. Maybe you deserve someone who treats you better, Masquerade. It's is an unlikely time for that to happen with all that's going on but moving to another state with this guy is a bad call in my book. Let him go if he wants to go. It'll suck for you for a minute but you'd get over it and be better for it later.

    I realize things are rough right now but you have to prioritize your life. Things won't always be like this. A lot of these things are things you can control. You have to have the chicklets to do that but you can control them. So stop looking at things to hurt yourself with and think about the most important aspects of your life and how you can work this out. You sound like a very tough girl, you can do this. Best of luck to you in the near future.
    Alwayswrong likes this.