I'm all over the fucking place, I dont know what i want. and i think its 'him' fucking it up for me. but i cant leave him alone, i cant i wont and i dont think i ever will. I'm so fucking fucked. and thoughts (not majorly serious fully planned ones) HAVE crossed my head, its like, over all it would be better. for the greater good and all that. And thats just pathetic saying it now, and thinking of it. but it is. ugh. getting me s down. Oh and im smoking waccy stuff now, not regularly, or ritually, but its there. and please no 'oh waccy can do X,Y and Z to you.. I knwo all of that. and i still choose to smoke it ok? ok.