I used to be a very happy person. I was also very athletic and everything felt like things were great in my life. I had a great life, and more than anything I loved being in school. Perhaps too much some would say. I couldn't see me wanting to live if I wasn't in school. I was also very interested and exicted about my studies. I was a near 4.0 student working my way into medical school. I couldn't picture myself doing anything else in life. Something stopped all my aspirations. I stopped sleeping. At first it was one night a week every week. Then two nights, three nights etc. Eventually every week I was going 6 days without sleep. At my worst I went 8 full days without sleep. I really didn't know why I was doing the same thing I've done every night since the 20 years of my life. That went on, I went to my doctor and we tried sleeping aids, mealtonin, benedryll, and ambien. None of them worked. Ambien at first didn't work but then I called my doctor and he told me to double the dosage. I finally fell asleep but I was still waking in the night. Since then my sleep has been hectic but not so bad. I generally sleep differently every week or every other week. Right now I've been sleeping about 20 hours a week. All this has been going on since early summer. I'm only 20 years old but I feel like an old man. Im at the point to where I don't want to watch myself fall apart anymore. Everyday I'm trying to figure out if I'm even worth living when other healthier, happier people exist. I can't really get myself out of this mood, nothing I do makes me happy. I just feel fed up and I don't even have the energy to express it. I just don't even know if I could even get into medical school now. Before I was growing always trying to be a better person, always trying to help people. Now I just lock myself away because I can't even see a point in going on. The only thing that ever really made me happy feels unreachable. I feel so down and I feel like crap. I just don't know what to do anymore.