I just dont know what to do

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Cmiles, Jan 10, 2015.

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  1. Cmiles

    Cmiles Member

    I used to be a very happy person. I was also very athletic and everything felt like things were great in my life. I had a great life, and more than anything I loved being in school. Perhaps too much some would say. I couldn't see me wanting to live if I wasn't in school. I was also very interested and exicted about my studies. I was a near 4.0 student working my way into medical school. I couldn't picture myself doing anything else in life. Something stopped all my aspirations. I stopped sleeping. At first it was one night a week every week. Then two nights, three nights etc. Eventually every week I was going 6 days without sleep. At my worst I went 8 full days without sleep. I really didn't know why I was doing the same thing I've done every night since the 20 years of my life. That went on, I went to my doctor and we tried sleeping aids, mealtonin, benedryll, and ambien. None of them worked. Ambien at first didn't work but then I called my doctor and he told me to double the dosage. I finally fell asleep but I was still waking in the night. Since then my sleep has been hectic but not so bad. I generally sleep differently every week or every other week. Right now I've been sleeping about 20 hours a week. All this has been going on since early summer. I'm only 20 years old but I feel like an old man. Im at the point to where I don't want to watch myself fall apart anymore. Everyday I'm trying to figure out if I'm even worth living when other healthier, happier people exist. I can't really get myself out of this mood, nothing I do makes me happy. I just feel fed up and I don't even have the energy to express it. I just don't even know if I could even get into medical school now. Before I was growing always trying to be a better person, always trying to help people. Now I just lock myself away because I can't even see a point in going on. The only thing that ever really made me happy feels unreachable. I feel so down and I feel like crap. I just don't know what to do anymore.
     
  2. Quality21

    Quality21 New Member

    I went through a period like this. Started the same, less sleep...one day in a row, then two. It started being three days in a row, on one occasion it was 6 days. Nothing seemed to work. When I was in partial they put me on Depakote along with an anti-depressant and that over time has really helped. It really stabilized my mood and helped me sleep. Benadryl also helps me sleep. As I went off the Depakote, the Benadryl helped. Within 6 months I was off everything and feel great again. I hope this helps.
     
  3. smwhorses

    smwhorses Well-Known Member

    What helped me was Nuvigil or Provigil. I finally felt awake and alive and could sleep at night. I have no insurance and cannot afford it any more. It might help you.
     
  4. Cmiles

    Cmiles Member

    Thanks for the input. I'm going to see a sleep specialist soon, I'll probably look into those and bring it up to him.
     
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