I sit here and read the same things over and over, (ie. it will get better) looking for an answer, the hurt just keeps building inside, I hold on to my children as a reason to stay, but seriously each day brings a new problem and I'm not talking about small ones, they are BIG ones, life changing problems. no matter how hard I try to hold on, how much I pray, all I do is let those I love so dear down. every night I lay in bed praying tomorrow will turn a new leaf, hoping that I won't hit another hole, then asking not to wake up. To have so much love for your family and NOT be able to change anything is awful. I'm scared, for weeks now, I keep a suicide letter in my back pocket just in case. I don't know why I'm writing this I just need to let something out, I don't know if it will help or not but i'm running out of resources. I'm a married 35 year old father of two that can't do a damn thing right, sitting here crying and typing, boy I'm pathetic, sure they all might be sad if I ended it all but they would carry on and wouldn't have the problems that I bring on.