I've been dancing around all of this for close to seven years now. The day I realized that my life was at risk (from my father, nonetheless) simply for being myself damaged something inside, and I fear that that's irreparable. I've now been a cutter (on occasion, a burner as well) for 6 years. I've tried to kill myself five times and failed miserably in each attempt. I have DID, which makes life no easier, and that's part of what brought me here. I've let myself sleep three times in the past week, and woken up with a new set of cuts each time. Most of them are shallow, but they've been increasing in severity every time. The main problem that I realize is that it doesn't scare me in the least. It could have to do with the fact that I feel that I've plainly given up. I go about my everyday routines that and nothing else. I go to work, when I have to, and only work enough to pay my bills and buy cigarettes. I go to a diner where I get free coffee practically every night for no other reason than the fact I've got nothing else to do seeing as I rarely sleep. I figure part of my problem must be my surroundings. I've attached so many negative memories to everywhere within driving distance that there's no escaping all the problems that pop up wherever I am. I made plans to leave in hopes that it might save me, but then I realized that I have nowhere to go and that I lack the money to do anything more than live on the streets. I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place, and they're slowly closing in. I just don't know what I'm supposed to do.