I just dont know

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Theone, May 22, 2010.

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  1. Theone

    Theone Well-Known Member

    Hello to anyone who reads this message, I will try to be as open and honest as I possible can be, a few months ago these bad thoughts final turned to suicidal, I got really close to an attempt to kill myself and managed to stop myself, so I contacted the doctor and was turned to a psychiatric nurse.... after the assessment things were a bit better then about 40days ago it went really bad.... i composed a suicide note and sent it to someone, and was stopped last minute from committing the act... after this i went on to medication and slowly they started to improve the feelings/thoughts... then recently i started to randomly break down... crying for 30minutes for no reason i could tell.... I was called by the psychiatric nurse finally for a follow up meeting but i found it completely unhelpful.... then finally earlier today i was happily out with friends then suddenly bang my mood plummeted and as soon as i could get away from my friends i completely broke down, crying again... during this episode i started to write a final note (suicide note) and half way through re reading it, it kind of knocked something into me making me feel STABLE for a little while longer.... i jut don’t know what to do thought it was getting better and now its getting worse again...... i just don’t know what to do!
  2. SeanW

    SeanW Member

    I know what you mean, i also feel really up and down. Can go from okay to wanting to hang myself in the blink of an eye. It's scary and confusing but just know others feel your pain and keep trying to get better and stay positive.
  3. shazwackers

    shazwackers Well-Known Member

    You've really been on an emotional rollercoaster haven't you hon? I'm sorry you feel this way as I have been there myself, many times, and it's hell.............you say that taking meds helped a bit before, well there are so many new depression meds that your pdoc could try you on...........please go see him and be completely open and honest, otherwise it's just a wasted exercise.........my heart goes out to you........hang in there an keep talking......shaz
  4. Theone

    Theone Well-Known Member

    thanks shazwackers im going to go see the GP on friday, maybe there is something that will help control my mood better
  5. niceguy

    niceguy Active Member

    what did your note say?
  6. Theone

    Theone Well-Known Member

    eeerrr my note basically told everyone that i cant do it anymore and that i hope they hate me for doing this rather than be sad because i hate the idea that im hurting anyone.... then i wrote a personal message to three of my closest friends explaining how much they meant to me, and how much i am thankful for everything they have done for me
  7. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Deinitely go see your pdoc..Let them know the meds aren't helping.. It takes a while to find what works for you because everyones body chemistry is different.. I take seven different meds..The combination I am on now helps.. Also you might want to get a therapist.. They can teach you how to cope with the thoughts..I wisj you all the best...
  8. Theone

    Theone Well-Known Member

    Arnt therapists expensive?
  9. Mandy1

    Mandy1 Antiquities Friend & Senior Member

    Please stay with sf. It can help alot,just be honest with yourself,and take your time.Life can be hard but each breath you take, each day that goes by your still with us,pleae take advice and do what you feel is right for you.Remember your here,and we all can help.
    Take care an see you around xxx
  10. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    The cost depends on where you live and what coverage you have. If you are a minor, you inherit coverage (at least in Canada) and some jobs offer it free of charge.
  11. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Most therapists work on a sliding pay scale..If your a minor then you can apply for medicaid.. Then find a therapist that takes it..You might have to look around a little but you will find one..Take Care!!
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