I grew up with an abusive family. My mom would hit me on a weekly basis. There were times I was threatened with a knife on a couple occasion. Growing up in America being a minority was tough for me. Since my parents could barely speak english, I had learn a lot of things myself. I got bullied a lot in school. Throughout 5th-11th grade, I was forced to learn an instrument. They wanted me to become a musician. I hated it. I was forced to practice almost on a daily basis sometimes until 2-3am. Even when I still had homework, they made me practice. Even after my grades started dropping, they made me practice. Even making me miss school on certain days just to practice. By senior year of high school, I had a lot of Ds and a couple Fs. I was bullied a lot by my friends and teachers because of this. I still survived, but I was way behind my peers. Back in middle school, I became ill and felt sick for about 2-3 months. There became a time in which I was so sick that I could barely walk. My parents finally took me to the hospital after 3 months of being sick and feeding me tylenol non-stop. Because they didn't take me to see a doctor earlier, I could not be cured 100%, and still live with this illness on a minor level. Because of this illness, I am constantly drained of energy and get sick pretty often. Throughout college, I suffered a lot socially. I guess because I never learned how to make real friends in my younger years because I was bullied, it was really hard for me to make any friends at all. My grades also suffered a lot because I could not keep up even with the basics. I ended up getting into a long term relationship. She ended up cheating on me and I went into depression. After dating couple other girls, I found a new girl. I ended up getting into another long term relationship with her as well. I made a lot of new friends, and for once in my life, I felt healthy. I felt like I had a direction in my life. I felt loved. We both graduated. She ended up breaking my heart. I don't know what to do anymore. I've been in depression for the past 6 months or so. And things are not getting any better. I tried to get out, but i couldn't. I wake up every morning wishing the morning never had to come. I have nightmares every night. I honestly don't remember too many happy moments growing up. I remember my parents fighting constantly, being yelled at on a daily basis, being hit on a daily basis. being bullied in school by friends and teachers. I'm rambling on now, but I just don't see the point in living anymore. I tried so hard. I don't see a future. I don't see a light. I just see darkness. I am so exhausted of crying everyday. I honestly feel like I just want to be in peace. let this pain die.