I just dont see what i have to live for

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by happypeople, Aug 14, 2007.

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  1. happypeople

    happypeople Active Member

    Well for the past few years i did nothing but sit at home, i was so sick of everything and i just didnt want to be connected to the world. i always felt depressed, just a general feeling of nothing, like nothing to live for. it just feels like i have nothing to live for.

    recently i got a full time job, well thinking sitting at home all day isnt healthy and getting a job will get my mind off things, WRONG. its been a couple months since i started and the money hasnt made me even slightly happy, being busy with this job hasnt made me happy, i still have that same dam feeling of nothingness.

    i have started going out more, made a couple new friends, but even when im doing something with friends in the back of my mind i just feel like crap, and the temporary fun of being with a friend goes away when i come home. wut do i have to live for, when i go for a walk outside i think of this, wut am i supposed to do. why cant i just be happy with things that everyone is happy about, why cant i be "normal".

    i wish i had a purpose in life, all that ive done in life so far hasnt made even satisfied or feel average, let alone happy. its just feels like nothing, thats why im so depressed all the dam time. i try to cope with it by goin out or goin to the gym, work whatever to get my mind off it and to be busy but it hasnt helped one bit. i can honestly say that my life now is busier and i have much more things to do then in the past few years of doing nothing but my level of feeling like crap is still the same.

    im just saying this to get it out, i know the typical comments will be hey cheer up itll get better and random vague encouragements that will not help at all, it just seems im living just because im alive and not because i want to do something in life. people tell me to find a hobby or something to pursue, but ya its so easy to say. i dont know why i cant be satisfied with life like the people i know.

    im not man enough to kill myself but if this keeps going i dont know wut to do. its 1 am and i gotta get up for work at 6 am, dammit, i still hate this job but its something to do, i would go insane if i sat alone all day like i used to. a lot of people say those few years already made me insane and i cant really argue with that. nobody understands this, people tell me get a gf or a fast car or something to get more "fun" in my life but ive already tried a lot and that shit doesnt work for me, i dont know wut i need to make my life atleast worth living for.

    im thinking of just drinking or drugs because i honestly dont know wut to do anymore. like i said before i wish i was man enough to kill myself, im a guy so im supposed to have this whole macho attitude and be happy but only some close family know the way i really am. i think ill just quit work, im tired of doing anything at all, ive never been the same as other people, i always wanted more but i dont know wut that more is.

    and the god people please dont tell me to find god, ive gone through the whole religion thing and it didnt work for me. i really dont wanna go to work tomorow, i feel like shit, ive reached my limit and i feel like i wanna grab somebody and beat them to death but i know that wont solve anything. i dont wanna work or do anything anymore. i wish there was some help for this aside from drugs and booze. this whole situation is fuckin hopeless.

    if u read this whole thing then thanks and i cant belive u read it all, i appreciate u guys listening to me, even if some of u cant help whatever.
  2. LonelyKid

    LonelyKid Well-Known Member

    I know the feeling of emptiness all too well.
    I found it's not the best solution to bury it friends, work, and myself.
    You should take time to figure out why you're unhappy instead of going to a job you hate all the time. I can't really say being by yourself all the time is bad. I've spent my whole life doing nothing but stay at home. I'm pretty sure I'm not insane. At least I hope not. I even got a job to do the same thing and bury my feelings and emptiness in it. It doesn't help, trust me. I quit the job.

    I don't know how to get rid of the empty feelings personally.
    I don't know how to find what's missing.
    I see familiarity in these words though.

    Also beating something that has nothing do with your anger is a bad idea.
    Sorry you're feeling this way but keep talking about what's wrong and maybe you'll dig up that something that'll fill your emptiness.
  3. Sorrow

    Sorrow Well-Known Member

    I can relate to a lot of what you say. I wish I had the answers for you, but nothing seems to help. I do think that it is good that you have a job and go out. Isolating yourself will probably make things worse in the long run. Sorry that you are in such pain. Just wanted to let you know that someone is listening and cares. If you need someone to listen or talk to I'm here.
  4. JFonseka

    JFonseka Active Member

    You are many enough, that's why you won't kill yourself, it's because you deal with your feelings without ending your life when it gets bad.

    Even 'normal people' don't feel happy all the time, we all got worries everyday, so be happy with the happy moments in your life, that's how you should see life.

    Trust me...drugs or alcohol will make the problem WORSE.

    I wasn't going to say something about God, but since you feel it hasn't worked for you, I won't say anything of the kind :cool:

    What has caused you to start feeling this way, analyze yourself, something will click at some point, go back to where all this started, even if it was at childhood, most often it's something in the childhood. PM me if you need any help/advice or someone to talk to, I am here for ya.

    Cheers and I hope you find the peace and happiness you are looking for in life, it's always there.
  5. happypeople

    happypeople Active Member

    hey, thanks for the responses, i did quit my job recently after that post, i feel a bit better but im back now to doing nothing again.
  6. SueEisman

    SueEisman Member

    Booze isn't going to help.........it is a depressant.

    Contact catherine_creel@comcast.net She runs a depression recovery group online and I've seen her work miracles.

  7. Shyfear

    Shyfear Well-Known Member


    I understand what you are talking about. It's hard to get the emptiness to go away, I still haven't figured out how to make it stop. Maybe we're just born with it?

    Getting a hobby usually doesn't seem to help because when you are depressed, you generally just want to crawl in bed and sleep forever.

    Have you tried going back to school? Or did you hate it? Sometimes if you learn about depression and such it can help and you understand better.

    What about medication? Have you thought about anti-depressants? I personally hated them, but they work differently with different people.

    Do you still do things that you enjoy or have you lost the enjoyment from them?
  8. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni

    I know exactly how you feel. The only good thing about a job is money. At least it allows you to live a little easier...other than that, it doesnt solve anything at all. Ya you might be able to focus your mind on your job for small periods, but when you come home...everythings the same. Hobbies, fast cars, whatever...I dont think any of that helps in the long term. Its really about changing how you think, not about what you do.

    I think its about achieving some sort of inner peace, dont think religion can do that for you either, maybe we just have to accept that this is life. Little happy moments, and a whole lot of nothing in between.

    Sorry for being so negative. I really hope you can find something to keep you going.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 17, 2007
  9. expressive_child

    expressive_child Well-Known Member

    I am feeling exactly the same way, I can only hope you are feeling better cause I am not sure if I will ever recover from this.
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