I just dont understand...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Cloud206, Nov 16, 2010.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Cloud206

    Cloud206 Well-Known Member

    I feel as if its all over for me. I sit here on my own every night and day and have no one to talk too or do anything with. All my friends went to university mainly and the ones that stayed behind are sick of me and dont want to see or speak to me because of how i am. Im the black sheep of the family, constantly told how much of a dissapointment i am and how much better my stepsisters and sister are at everything. I hate my job and dont get on with my colleagues. The only person i had left me at the start of the year after 4 years together and 10 before that as just friends. Every day i ahve to watch her with the guy she cheated on me with and her friends saying how happy she is and mocking me for the loser i am. Everyone knows everyone here so i cant go out as im afraid of what i will see or run into. i just think im at the end. this is the way im going to die. sitting here alone. i just dont understand it. i dont think i deserved any of this but i dont know what i did wrong to everyone. i just want to be out of everyones way now and go. im sick of the insults, the pain, the tears. The uptight doctors, the crappy pills everything. I dont find anything remotely enjoyable anymore. I just wish i cold actually get some sleep but not wake up. :i'm sorry:
  2. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    Hello Cloud!

    A good relationship rarely begins with cheating. There is a good chance that they will break up sooner or later.

    You were friends for so long, it's too bad things had to end that way. Do you think you could ever be on good terms again?

    I don't think you deserved any of this either. I think that when you are down, there are lots of people who will try to kick you, just because it's easy.

    Getting away from your family and finding a better place to live might help. Is there a relative that you like that you could live with for a while?

    Maybe there are some other treatments you could try?

    Sorry that you are suffering so much.


    :console: :hug: :hug:
  3. Cloud206

    Cloud206 Well-Known Member

    i just dont understand what the difference between him and i are. from what ive been told shes doing nothing different with him than with me. And im no brad pitt or anything but i not exactly ugly, and im 20. so why does a bald 30 year old man have that i dont to offer a 20 year old woman? Just makes no sense to me. All i get is it rubbed in my face 24/7. I havent had a single bit of contact with her for 10 months or so. I cant see her ever wanting to speak to me again. I dont know what else to try, the people i try to speak too or at least see/catch up with just ignore me. If i open up they are too scared to try and help. I dont have any relatives really, none i get on with anyway. Im just stuck and i just dont know if i want to do this anymore. Im sorry
  4. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    It could be that she picked her new bf at least in part to try to antagonize you. The fact that she cheated, that she picked an older guy, that her friends are rubbing in how "happy" she is.

    It could be that she is not happy at all with this new guy, and it's just a show to try to get to you. No matter what, someone who would treat you like that isn't worth the tears and heartache. Do you think you can just let go of her?

    I think that if you can get out of the rut you're in, you could be in a lot better shape.

    One element is doing everything you can now to try to improve your condition. A different treatment (ect?) maybe, therapy? A half hour a day of gentle exercise is good. Oh, also my standard advice is in my signature.

    You could also get your vitamin D and B12 levels checked.

    Ok, so if you do everything that you can as far as treatment goes, getting yourself in a more positive environment might help a lot.

    Go back to school? Join a commune? Or just find work in another place? Can you get a disability payment?
  5. Cortez

    Cortez Banned Member

    Damn...I remember those days as if they were yesterday. I empathize with you so much. Those lonely days, lonely streets, it's just too much. But things can and will change for you. You could start by going to a community college maybe, you'll find friends, and in time you'll get over your ex. Wish you the best of luck.
  6. betteroffunknown

    betteroffunknown Well-Known Member

    Hey bud. Sorry things are so tough right now. Its definitely tough to try and go thru life alone. I know because i too have been there. It took me a long time to see my way thru similar issues, and id like to pass along to you some of what ive learned. Healthy friends are ones who build one another up-not tear down. Id encourage you to seek out such places you can find such people. They are out there. It makes a huge diff. Id also encourage you to let go of your ex emotionally. She cheated on you. Sooner or later she will do the same with him i assure you. She isnt a good fit for you. You deserve a woman who will respect and love you for who you are period, and can be content with the same from you. This she cannot offer. A good mate can be hard to find, but not impossible. Consider what youd like in a good mate, and dont settle for anything less. Theres an old saying i like a lot..garbage in garbage out. The opposite is equally true. You put good in good will come out. This is true on many levels. Take care.
  7. Cloud206

    Cloud206 Well-Known Member

    I havent been here recently. I have been close to doing it a few times this past 2 weeks. Everyones been out and i have the drugs ready, whether theyre enough or not i dont know but im sure they will be. I just get to the point of actually doing it and stop. I dont really know why. I know id be free but its the guilt id leave behind for others to bear. I also dont want people blaming her when they should just blame themselves too. Im stuck on whether to do the deed or whether to continue to sit here alone and in this dark place for the forseeable future. Ive tried many of the suggestions from here and others, but they either havent worked or are not viable options around here. I just dont know what i can do anymore... im sorry
  8. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    sorry things haven't worked out.

    what did you try?

    what isn't viable?
  9. Cloud206

    Cloud206 Well-Known Member

    yes im back, apologies.
    thought i was getting better, some plans i made with others were looking up and i was just generally feeling a bit better but things are now just as shit as ever again. I dont understand how people just live like this. I get up, go to work, come home and do fuck all. Havent got any friends really anymore, family are just unbearble really all the time, its like im a ghost anyway. only spoken too when they want to moan or complain. i think i have some sort of insomnia again as i sleep little or not at all most nights. Im just still really really stuck. There is absolutley nothing to do in this town or nearby for me and i cant just leave its not possible or viable financially or job wise. i spend my entire time alone thinking about times past and how great they were compared to now. i just dont understand what i did wrong somewhere to deserve all this. ''it just builds up to the point where i feel like just dissapearing wold be best for me and everyone else. I try to contact people and i get ignored or theyre too busy, legitimatley or not i dont know. I try to be all nice on the outside but i suffer inside here, as cliched as that might sound its true, why its a cliche i suppose. anyway i just want to know if anyone knows anything i can do or anyone to talk too around here i suppose. I dont know what to do with myself or my life. My plans fail and i just fuck everything up all the time. I dont want to live alone anymore, i hate my life as it is, as well as myself. im sorry guys. Im not very good at these talking things. Self esteem and confidence is at zero. Im rambling now i dont know why im posting this il just go. sorry
  10. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    what made things seem to get better? what happened to the plans?
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.