I don't get it. i just don't. I have an amazing life, a spectacular boyfriend, I'm a fragile 16 years of age, so much potential. I get praise constantly for my work, I was elected to a great position in Key Club, I have supportive friends and family. Nothing in my life is wrong. The only thing wrong is me. What am I - depressed? Bipolar? Just hormonal? I don't get it. I don't understand. It infuriates me, that I can't control raging at things I shouldn't get angry at, I can't control dropping into such slumps of depression, of feeling so empty and hopeless, and then starting to get out of it, wanting to cry, looking back at myself, thinking, what's wrong with you?? Why... why??? And then I get depressed, and suicidal, and sometimes my friends will drag me out of it, other times I sink deeper until I just give up and let myself just flow with the waves, taking me back to shore to start this cycle up once again. I hate it, so, so much. I want to be productive. I want to fix this. Meds, therapy, I don't care. Just GAH. I can't control it. Is it really just hormones? Am I really just that weak? I want to cry. But I hate crying. I hate it. I'm so weak. I just want to be myself again, not how I am right now. I just hope I can change back.