I just don't want to be alive anymore

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by enoughisenough, Jan 24, 2008.

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  1. enoughisenough

    enoughisenough New Member

    I don't think this is a cry for help but maybe it is. I know I've got plenty to live for - everyone keeps telling me that but I've just had enough. I've been living with depression for most of my life now - over 20 years and I just don't want anything anymore.

    My wife left me 4 months ago and it's been the worst it's ever been. So many days I just can't do anything. I'm in so much pain I can't even cry. I can't bleed it out of me, it's intoxicating. The only thing that's stopped me from ending it now (and in the past too) is the effect it'll have on the people I leave behind. I don't want to cause them any pain although obviously if I die I will. If I commit suicide then the pain will be so much worse. If I knew of a way of ending myself without making it look like a suicide I'd have been dead years ago... I'm still looking.

    I'm not sure anyone can say anything to help me here. Not even sure why I'm posting to be honest. Unless it's to ask if anyone knows of any good untraceable ways but I'm guessing I'm not going to get those answers.

    The pain is just too much to bear every damn day. I don't really want to kill myself I just don't want to be alive anymore and I can't think of a way for that to happen other than by killing myself so...

    I can't see my life being happy again... if it ever really was in the first place! I just want this all to be over.
  2. nlp

    nlp New Member

    I dont want to be here either, every day gets darker, and darker, the only thing that has kept me here is my 14 yr old daughter,but its not stopping me from trying to end my life. I just want to sleep and not wake up, I feel this may be my last chance, they have taken all the sleeping bills away from me but the ones I have hidden, And I am taking them now, I dont have the will to go on anymore, I am 47 years old, I have a roof over my head and a smart little girl, but I am alone in life and I cant take it anymore.

    I am sure I didnt help, I just need to vent...
  3. ToHelp

    ToHelp Well-Known Member

    Quick question. Do you have kids? Any other relatives/close friends who would be devastated? Then this isn't about "ALL" you, my man--especially if there are kids.

    Remember that when people off themselves, it's disillusioning and permanently affecting to everyone around them. I'm not (believe it or not) saying that suicide is selfish. Just reminding you of some facts.

  4. ToHelp

    ToHelp Well-Known Member

    Heh. We posted over each other, Nip! :)

    Not surpisingly though, my first answer applies to the both of yas. :bottom:
  5. enoughisenough

    enoughisenough New Member

    No kids thankfully.

    However, I can't be staying around "living" in abject misery for the remainder of my days just to make life easier for those around me. We make our own happiness in life I keep being told. Well, I can't seem to make any for me. Let others make theirs without me in their life.
  6. flaxam123

    flaxam123 Member

    I know it doesn't help but, I feel the same way you do, why keep going just so we don't upset anyone.
  7. zoebaby

    zoebaby Well-Known Member

    hey, hang in there, youve been through something very hard, when me and my husband split up that was one of the worst years of my life. but the sun did start shining again, it just took time *hug
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