No, it's not your fault. We all make mistakes, ok? We always have reasons that lead to them, and we rarely make them with bad intentions in mind. At some point we thought something was the right thing to do, but we learn to understand that it wasn't... that's growing, and that's positive. Don't let that ruin your life, forgive yourself, which will only make you stronger. If you wish to talk, I'm a PM away. Sending hugs.
Hi there-I'm so sorry that you're struggling right now, like most on this forum...been there. It's agonizing when those terrible thoughts are playing and replaying in your head (it's all my fault, I hate my life, I can't do anything right). But those thoughts aren't true, most of the things we blame ourselves for were never our fault to begin with. I can't ask you to pretend like you love yourself at a time like this, I do ask though that you consider the possibility that what your thoughts are telling you are not true facts-you're just having a really bad time right now, but it will pass. Very best wishes to you friend-LT