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I just don't want to live anymore...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by depressedGirl, Jan 11, 2011.

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  1. depressedGirl

    depressedGirl Well-Known Member

    I don't know where to start but here goes...

    I have been diagnosed with depression and I was getting on with my life. Now I won't say life was great. I hated life though not as much as I do now. I got my own place with my mates. Having help looking for work and even having a lovely cat called Ross.

    Then what should happen but depression come back. I mean I don't know if it did come back or if I got used to living with it and ignored how i felt. I knew all along my aunt was dying of cancer but I thought she would at least have 3 more years she never even tried my christmas present.

    This is where my depression gets worse. I can't see noway out. I can't sleep, Everything that was fun to me is now dull, Life seems pointless, I have lost my appitite and I want to die. I know you'll think I am attention seeking but my mates are fed up with me going on about suicide and how it is the answer and I'll be back with my aunt. I keep crying all the time. I can't stop.
    Everytime I close my eyes I see myself committing suicide.

    I know I had thoughts before but I managed to ignore them. I would just ring a friend and we would go out and forget about it. This time it is different. Everywhere I go the urges are there. I don't want to sleep cause I know what I'll see. I've been to see the doctor and he kept me in for a hour just because I said I hate life and I wish I wasn't alive. She has now suggested antidepressants and counselling but I don't see them helping.

    I hate life so much and I don't know how to stop it.
  2. ali 56

    ali 56 Well-Known Member

    yes they do help I am on anti-depressants, have some therapy and on top of all that I got some sleeping pills of the dr last month - they are fab. They really help you switch off and sleep shame they are addictive and I will not be allowed any more :( Get all the help you can it's worth it as bottling everything up makes things a lot worse. Take care.
  3. depressedGirl

    depressedGirl Well-Known Member

    Ok... But I won't get my hopes up.
  4. ali 56

    ali 56 Well-Known Member

    be totally honest with your gp as well they are very good. I remember last year I asked for my gp's blessing for me to end it all - his face, they see and hear it all but it helps to be able to express yourself with the right people - honest. Take care.
  5. Louis03

    Louis03 Well-Known Member

    Hello, also have experience with depression and I know it's terrible. I know what they will tell you: drugs. And I don't know about that because I refuse them and will until breakdown completely if I don't die first but what I can say that you probably already know is that with depression there is highs and lows so please just try to hang on till the next high or at least not-so-low. Take care.
  6. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    i'm sorry that you lost your aunt. i bet that she knew that you loved her, and i bet she would want you to get better.
  7. Cpt-Fantastic

    Cpt-Fantastic Banned Member

    lol a cat named Ross, is he/she nice? im jealous of your doctor, she seems to really care. have you tried the medicines for depression? the counselling sessions work well if you keep yourself open to them, i hope your therapist has one of those couches you can lie down on, mine just has those stupid hard chairs, and the bitch never listens, sometimes i think she just sees me as a walking wallet. but i hope you have better luck. it seems like they really care about you, hold on girl, things are down now but it looks like you have a bright future ahead of you
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