I just don't want to live anymore

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by eduardo, Jul 6, 2011.

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  1. eduardo

    eduardo Active Member

    So here I am...

    After vacations from work because I went to a shrink and he was so scared that I no longer cry or get sad when I talk about committing suicide.

    Really, It was 2 years ago... The word suicide and then I began to cry but no more. Suicide... just my plan: method, place, day, suicide notes, financial transactions. It's something abstract. Maybe I no longer have feelings.

    Now I am seeing another shrink, a woman, she is better but still she doesn't understand I just don't wanna live anymore.

    Again, the same "excuses" for them why I should not commit suicide: " Oh JE (My initials), you're just 22, you got a great job at a bank, you speak 3 languages, have college degree"

    Look. I wanna die. That's all. Now my best friend knows this... he is kind of upset with me because the suicide topic hurts him (His uncle committed suicide 4 or 5 years ago and It's painful for him). He's my bro and he loves me but he is deceived now because of this.

    In the end... It's just like the song says (a song in Italian): "I'm just taking a train"
  2. Constantinos

    Constantinos Well-Known Member

    Hello Jose,

    I can understand what you are currently feeling, i am sure both therapists understand you but they are trying to help you.

    Do you currently have any plans to suicide? (date/time/place/method)

    Of course your friend would feel sad for you, he wants you alive - he needs you and he loves you as you also say.

    Do you want to share any details of what brought you to suicide?
  3. Alecx

    Alecx New Member

    I can sit here and say i understand but you don't have to believe me

    I have a life that people literally kill to get. I'm worth alot i'm 18 have a house next to the beach drive a nice car but i'm as depressed as ever and wrote my first suicide note when I was 6.

    I know the feeling of just wanting to die and detaching yourself from the world but you have to find a reason to want to exist.

    You only get 1 shot at this game we all play do something you enjoy...watch a movie, get some ice cream, something simple that makes you appreciate life.

    Depression sucks...alot and makes everything seem worse than they already were. It distorts your thinks and takes away your ability to make rational decisions. The best solution is procrastination. put off suicide for another day. Things may suck now and but for you in your position things will only get better as long as you are here. plz don't commit suicide your friend cares your therapists only wants to help (for a fee of course) and you have everything to gain and nothing to loose

    you can ride a train but take one the goes toward the sunset not a cliff
    life is worth it.....I hope you stay to enjoy it
  4. eduardo

    eduardo Active Member

    my suicidal plan is almost complete. Sadness and hopelesness brought me to this
  5. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Suicide is not the answer.. I have attempted three times in the last 41 years..Luckally I have survived all three.. I ended up in the hospital but that was the best thing for me at the time.. I have been in therapy for years.. I quit going a year ago and now I am ready to go back..Just need the funds first.. So youu see you can live with SI..Don't let it beat you down..Please seek some professional help..
  6. FamilyGuyFan1986

    FamilyGuyFan1986 Active Member

    First, let us know why you want to commit suicide.
  7. eduardo

    eduardo Active Member

    So, here I am after a fight with mom and dad. They just don't understand my reasons to commit suicide are so BIG... So many things cannot be SOLVED.

    They just tell me I gotta be strong

    My parents and friend minimize me

    Yes, being strong while I am gay in a homophobic world

    Being strong in a world of an economic chaos.

    Nobody understands

    Just 7 years ago in 2004 a kid from my school committed suicide at home...
  8. Muse

    Muse New Member

    Hi, eduardo.
    I just wanted to say that two of my best friends are two men who are a couple. They are some of the most caring and supportive friends I've ever had, and we have all supported each other unconditionally in making some positive changes. I would not have come as far as I have in recent months without their friendship and support. These two men have been better men to me than most straight men, by far. I have a lot of respect, trust, and fondness for both of them, and I would be there for them if they needed me -- any time, any place.

    I relate to this, too. I grew up poor and am still struggling. It's unfair, and this is a particularly hard time in history for the non-rich. I follow the news and politics pretty closely, and it's so hard to see all the greed and corruption. The sad thing is humans have always conducted themselves this way, and they might never evolve beyond it. But 90% of us or more have to suffer the inequities. So you aren't alone in these pressures. I went to my first rally for worker's rights a few months ago, and it was pretty inspiring.

    I might not understand everything you're going through, but I do empathize, and I hope you are able to find some peace. What's been helping me lately is to do things I enjoy -- watching movies I like, reading, cooking. They don't always make me feel great, but they do help a little.

    Look, I baked you a cake: :cake: :)
  9. Constantinos

    Constantinos Well-Known Member

    Its very encouraging to see that you have come to this forum and are requesting for help at this difficult moment of yours - you currently say you feel sad and hopeless - i can understand both of those feelings.

    You are currently seeing everything dark as if you are in a tunnel, all tunnels have an entrance and an exit - you have entered in the tunnel - the tunnel has an exit where you will see the light - all people pass through difficult stages and enter into this tunnel however all people can also exit this tunnel
    - you can win suicide and you can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

    All humans are unique to each other, being gay doesn't mean anything - you are as normal as i am or anyone else is.

    You can be strong, you can fight, you can solve, you can achieve - you're currently going through a difficult time where you need to help to increase your coping resources to be able to deal with your pain.

    Do you currently visit a therapist?
  10. eduardo

    eduardo Active Member

    Thanks for all your support... In the end, inside of me I know I will commit suicide maybe not tomorrow or in 1 month but I don't see myself alive within 1 year
    Death is my ticket to peace and freedom
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 11, 2011
  11. Constantinos

    Constantinos Well-Known Member

    Hello Jose,

    This is actually something very positive - you're giving yourself time - time is very important.

    I want you to take some time and think about visiting a psychotherapist also, it will help you substantially to have someone you can talk and trust.
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