I just dunno anymore...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Rosel, Oct 20, 2012.

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  1. Rosel

    Rosel Member

    Umm I dunno what to put here but I'll try to put something....

    Im 18 and I've been in some sort of depression for about a year and a half now. Each passing day getting worse and worse with a few brief glismes of hope only to be thrown darker and darker into the shadows once again. I thought about killing myself a year ago but they were only so much as dreams then. I also thought about cutting then too but thought I. Would never do such a thing. Then but a few short months ago I starting doing that. The first day it took an hour or two just to build up the courage to begin and nw I dont give it a second thought. I just ... Want.. Relief from all of this pain and agony...
     
  2. ksmith86

    ksmith86 Well-Known Member

    Hey Rosel :) What's hurting you so much?
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi Rosel im sorry you are suffering so Depression is treatable hun therapy and medication they both will help you not feel so low. You want the pain and agony to go away then stop harming you hun and start getting support to help you heal h ugs
     
  4. Rosel

    Rosel Member

    To put it in one word. Parents. Everything they say just makes me hurt more than it helps. everything they want me to do, to become. I worked in a pretty stressful environment a year ago. (when this depression triggered.) and since then ive seen no hope in my future at all. or any joy in the future. All I am working towards is my own inner destruction. each day that passes is a day closer to that time.

    Ive never been on for medication of any sort. I have been considering doing therapy though I dunno how much that would really help me. At this point Im unsure if I really do or not, maybe being consumed by it all and just going away would be the ideal route for me to take.

    Thank you both for taking the time to read my post and replying
     
  5. -Simon-

    -Simon- Active Member

    At 18 you're just on the tip of life. I remember being 18 and how my life was back then, I've survived to be 32 and so much has happened that I would never have foreseen at 18. The future may seem very bleak right now to you but its not fixed, anything can and will! happen. I think its worth sticking around a while to see what your future brings.

    I've been down the self harm route and seconds away from ending it all. This thing that we feel inside can be tamed, it may nip at your ankles now and again but we can do it. You may manage it without medication or therapy but if you feel you can't there's no shame in asking for help.
     
  6. ksmith86

    ksmith86 Well-Known Member

    ^--- This.

    Parents suck sometimes. They're used to you being there and don't really understand completely whats going on in that head of yours.

    I've been trapped working some pretty shitty jobs myself for several years. It doesn't really get better unless you get a college degree but I WILL say this: Most people live for the weekends! You get your happiness from things outside of work. Your girlfriend, your friends, family, your car, hobbies, future, etc. Very few people have good jobs that they actually enjoy going to every day.

    Even IF you say, write off the next FIVE years of your life (say you were in a coma or something), you'd STILL have plenty of time to become financially independent and find a nice, hot young wife to marry.

    My personal recommendation is to just write your whole situation off. Join the military, buckle down for a few years and get your associates degree, something. There is so much good stuff ahead of you, you just gotta work for it. Not everybody is lucky enough to have an awesome life handed to them, but even for the ones that do they always have a way of fucking it up in the end. At only 18 you're basically on a level playing field with all of your peers regardless of how much debt you're in or what kind of grades you got in highschool. Don't beat yourself up man! Just figure out SOMETHING you can do that will slowly improve your life. You WILL GET THERE I promise :)
     
  7. not2serene

    not2serene Member

    Hi Rosel!

    Sorry you're having so many problems. I know what it's like to have issues w/ parents. Mine have never been supportive or accepting of me & it really hurts. I wish I could change that for you. Though we can't substitute for them, I hope you find lots of acceptance here for who you are. I haven't been here long, but it seems there are plenty of people who offer support.

    :hug:
     
  8. Rosel

    Rosel Member

    Im currently in college right now becoming enslaved to the military is not really needed.

    and from what you said is that 5/7 days suck it up and the other 2 are yours... and that is one of the reasons I feel this way. I dont want a separate work life and personally life. I just want life where I can do what I like without stress all for fun and being creative.

    Thanks :hug:
     
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