I just feel hopeless

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by captnhoney, Oct 15, 2009.

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  1. captnhoney

    captnhoney Member

    I don't even know where to start with my post. I just feel like I am just worthless and nothing. I heard these statements from both my parents and I am just so close to killing myself just so that I can be free from being controlled by them. I have been having issues my whole life with my parents and I really just can't believe the crap that they give me. I am 31, my marriage is good and I have a cat. That are the only things so far strong enough to keep me here. My dh is in the military and right now like most of the time he is gone. That is when my parents get worse and treat me like crap. I have no job or able to have kids I have actually thought about returning to school to better myself and to do something for me. I tell my mom this and gets very upset with me in my choice of study. Then she just yells at me says I am stupid for thinking I can go into that and that there are no jobs in it. I was thinking of going into information technology, I have been wanting to study this field for the last 10 yrs. Everytime I say I an going to try something she says I should do something else like nursing and get a job in Blakely, hello I like over 900 miles away and have my own house. Then she goes on to say I am nothing but a worthless person and that she is angry with me. Then she goes on to say that my father says he is disappointed in the way I turned out. I say why she says I had to leave them to marry black man ( she didn't say that very nicely she called him the N word). I am just so angry at her and my father. What is so wrong getting my education in this field? I don't have a job now and I would like to take the time I have to study something new. Whatever I decide to do isn't ever going to be good enough. It just feels so hopeless that I can't do something for me. I know what she is trying to do in wanting me to go into nursing she wants me to be where they are at so they can control me. I feel like I can't control how much this hurts me. I feel that I am worthless and nothing at all. I think that if I kill myself I can't be controlled no more but at the sametime I would hurt dh and my cat would be alone. I can't even talk to them about how they treat me, I have tried they are masters at turning it around on me. When they do that I can't even say anything at all and they cuss and yell at me even more and verbally abuse me to no end. I just can't take it no more.
     
  2. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    You don't deserve being treated like this. Are you seeing a doctor for depression?

    What about these two suggestions:

    1. take general ed courses at college required for all majors. this would keep the what am I going to do argument away for now.

    2. can you go live with your or your husbands relatives.

    Keep posting here. This is a good start for you to have a better living environment.

    :hug:
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Your 31 who cares what your parents think really. your an adult the hell with what people thing do what you want, Information technology a great field my son went into it it pays great. Do what you want and need to do to feel good about your life and say so long controlling parents YOUR in charge now.
     
  4. captnhoney

    captnhoney Member

    I haven't seen a doctor for depression. I have been thinking about maybe seeing someone for these issues, I feel sometimes I can't handle what my parents love to dish out to me. As for my husbands family they are cut off. They have caused major problems in our marriage and his mother has made it clear she hates me and has rallied other family members to be the sameway toward me. I am basically alone. I have already have some college credits and will probably have to take refresher courses and I might start there. Thing with me going back to school is to make myself feel better.
     
  5. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    I'm glad that the thought of going back to school is uplifting to you. It'll be that chance to get out of the house and if you do your homework on campus that is even more time away from that stress.

    Please keep posting here. Get the frustrations of living with your parents out of your head because letting it build up will cause deeper problems down the road.

    It's always a good idea to see a doctor about depression. Therapy may be a good option for you.

    :hug:
     
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