I just feel like giving up.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by _Terry_, Jun 20, 2010.

  1. _Terry_

    _Terry_ Member

    I was a social outcast my entire childhood. I got picked on, laughed at, and excluded on a regular basis and every so often people would start fights with me usually ending with me getting beat up. People picked on me because I was heavily overweight and I wore cheap clothes. I never went out and hung out with people. Nobody wanted to be my friend. I have a very low self esteem because of this. I've just been going from job to job since I graduated high school. I have 5 jobs since I've graduated.

    I hate work just as much as I did school. It's the pure evil that I have to deal with that kills my motivation. I can only take it so long and then I quit. This last time really killed my motivation. I just don't understand how people can be so evil. I have to ask myself if they have a consciousness. WHERE IS IT? WHERE IS THE CONSCIOUSNESS?

    I've been unemployed for 6 months. I've lost so much motivation to go on because I know no matter where I go, there will be bullies. They don't care. I'm 24. I've never had a girlfriend. I still live at home. I can't talk to anyone because I'm extremely shy. All I keep getting from the so called, self-righteous "realists" in this world is "Nobody's gonna give that to you. You gotta go out and get it." and "That's just the way the world works" and "Nobody's gonna hand it to you". I hate when they say those things because they don't know what I've been through. They don't know the torment I've been through. They just can't face the fact that I have been traumatized.

    I feel like I'm not cut out for life. I'm 24, but I feel like I'm 70. The only reason I keep going on is because of my family. Not money, not goals, not a significant other. I just can't seem to find happiness in this life. I can't do anything. I can't find someone to spend the rest of my life with. I can't keep a job. I can't make friends. It's like there's no more left in me.
     
  2. kyle88

    kyle88 Well-Known Member

    Hey Terry, I'm sorry for what you have gone through, and I had also been picked on in school for being overweight etc.

    I have a question though, are you still overweight? Have you tried losing the weight with exercise and a good diet?
     
  3. _Terry_

    _Terry_ Member

    I actually lost a lot of weight to where I was very thin. Unfortunately, this last job I lost was a major killer for me. I really liked the actual work, but the bullies there were so mean and nobody did anything about it. My supervisor protected them. It hurt my heart leaving that place because I made a very good friend there. She was 64, but she was the nicest ever. She had to leave work because she was having surgery on her knee. I quit before she got back and haven't seen her since. I've lost so much motivation. I went into a depression. I stopped exercising and began overeating. In the last 3 months I've gained 35lbs.:sad:

    Now my pants are getting really tight and I would like to buy bigger pants, but my savings are getting so low, I don't know if I should. I just hate the evil in this world. I don't work a job for extra cash, or to go buy a new stereo, or a new TV. I work a job because I need a livelihood just like them. To pay the bills and put food on the table, and they're gonna stand there and be mean to me when all I do is go in and try my best at my work. I just mind my own business and try to get the job done. I don't call them names, make judgments towards them, or put my hands on them, but they certainly don't have a problem doing those things to me.

    They don't have a problem with me losing my job, therefore they don't care if I can't pay my bills, therefore they don't care if I end up in the street, therefore they don't care if I eat, therefore they don't care if I DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 21, 2010