i just feel......

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by *dilligaf*, May 24, 2007.

  1. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    Numb...I feel numb, lost, emotionless,

    im not able to talk to people. im not worth thier time. i cant come back into chat, people will ask how i am. i dont wanna eat, i dont wanna sleep, i dont want to talk, i dont even want to die at the moment, i just want to...idk, sleep for a few years?

    other people are worth so much more. other people are thought so much more of than me. ishy n vikki know what im talking about there. its been proved to me. its been proved to me with one person, yet i know its true for the majority of people around here. they are worth so much more than me. are so much better than me.

    i sit here with my family and they want to talk to me. its too much of an effort to. i just sit and stare. theres only really one person i talk to at the moment.

    i look at food, and even if im hungry, i just...dont want it. dont want to be bothered.

    music? reading? tv? food? talking? im not interested.

    meh, im gonna sound like a bitch here, but i cant even be asked to help people anymore. i get it thrown back at me. i made a point of pm'ing someone in chat earlier and because i basically couldnt magic this persons problems away they got funny about it. wahtever, sort your own stuff out.

    i want to reach out, i want to cry, scream, shout, talk, TELL people how bad im feeling and try to get better. but i cant. i just cant.

    it hurts too much to talk. it hurts me and it hurts them. there are other, more worthy people out there, i should just shut up.

    i have no right to whinge, i dont even have any right to be posting this. im a piece of scum. liar. whinger. attention seeker. weak. useless.

    i just want this to go away. i need it to go away. when i felt like i was helping people it was okay. i had a reason. now, now im numb.
  2. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    Darling, your not any of those things you called yourself and your deffiantly not scum :whack: You DO have a right to post this and you DO have a right to let it out. I know you try help people as much as you possibly can and i know you go out of your way to help people even when your feeling shitty and i know at times it can seem like it just gets chucked right back in your face. A lot of people here have the same problem, me included so your not alone in that. The stuff about people being seen as better than you, well you know my opinion on that cos i told you what i thought. You put far too much doubt on yourself, i see it everyday especially the last few weeks. You need to give yourself some credit, your still fighting and im gonna help you keep fighting NO matter what it takes because you are special and i love you for it.

    Think about tomorrow and how your gonna have to get me to talk :tongue: :shy:

    Loves ya x
  3. Tara

    Tara Guest

    Dont say that! you are worth our time, you really are. Take up my whole week if you so wish!

    Thats fine if you dont want to talk about those things you dont have to, go sit and watch whats said for a while. Join in when you feel like it, noone will think any less of you because of it.

    no one, repeat NO-ONE is worth more than you. No one is worth more than ANYONE on this earth i dont care if you're the Queen or a maggot!

    i get what you mean about talking to family being an effort. it really is. but they'll still be there when you want to talk to them.
    Where is this one person? can you talk to them now?

    You dont sound like a bitch, you sound like you're going through the same things as me, and i bet other people think that too.
    People shouldnt throw back your help. and im sure that must be a one off. sometimes people dont want to talk, then they should just say not have a go at you.

    You do have a right to whinge and moan, go ahead, scream your lungs out. i'll be here for you to scream at!
    you are NOT scum, a whinger, weak, an attention seeker, and arent useless!

    You do help people, but just helping people wont help you in the long run. You need help too, you need us to be here for you as you are for us.

  4. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    Thank you both :hug: :hug:

    Tara...i am talking to her now :smile:
  5. RainbowChaser

    RainbowChaser Well-Known Member


    I hope you're feeling a bit better hunny.

    Have a fantastic time with Vikki :smile:
  6. sarahg

    sarahg Well-Known Member

    oh sam
    hugs to you
    you are always there through the fun times and sad times and i ty for that
    i hope i can be for you to
    hugs and love