and tired of being tired. My life feels like it's on this endless loop where everything feels like dejavu and most of the time I don't really know what I'm doing here. I just... I don't know... It feels like I've already ended. and not even in a melodramatic way either. I'm just done. I've just quite naturally run out of reasons. Sometimes I'll get impatient with people who express their sympathies in one of the rare times where I'm honest about where I'm at, but I really want to throw something in their face and flip over a table or something just to get their reaction. to get their attention. to make them really see me. I mean honestly, who are we kidding, does anyone really care? Will it really be such a tragedy in anyone else's lives if I faded out anymore permanently? But I think the greater problem or tragedy is that I don't care. The opposite of life isn't death, it's apathy. And I'm already there. I keep trying to try to find some way to live, and I'm just clawing through thin air trying to get to some place I don't even know. I just can't shake off the feeling that I shouldn't be here anymore. I don't want to be here.