I feel like I go nowhere. I try and go nowhere...still nobody caring...still alone. damn i hate the holidays.... I've been trying in the past couple of months to not get carried away with the suicidal feelings...trying to fight them....oh but they come back I can't shake it. I had a nice evening shopping with my friend and her sister...just for toys but it was okay and I was happy. Then my mood shattered. I had a bad therapy session about a week ago...well on Monday...feeling down. My T always say things like "I feel helpless when you are like this" or "I don't know how to respond to you when you are like this" ...stuff alone that line. I wasn't being horribly blah...just stating the facts. It's easy for her to say I want what other have but I'll never have it. They will say you can "make" your own family...whatever...never truly the same..it's way more conditional I feel so bad right now. Just contemplating bad things. I hate myself.