Hello silverhalo & welcome to SF, I am so sorry to hear about your wife's tragic death. I can only begin to understand the pain that you and your children are going through at this time.
It is good that you are staying strong for the children but please remember that you need time and space to grieve, to mourn, and eventually to heal a little.
Please don't beat yourself up over what might be obvious in hindsight, you did not know about your wife's Bulimia because she kept it well hidden.
The wife and mother you all knew and loved, still loved you all deeply but her mind was clouded by depression, she was unable to foresee the pain and suffering this would cause you.
I am so glad you have found SF and I hope you will find the help and support you need here.
Thinking of you with love and sympathy, Hazel.
i knew she got up from bed to the toilet reguraly most nights and i could hear her being sick now and then.I also bought her a laxative called DULCOLAX not knowing that folk use it as a manner of losing weight through passing waste from her bowels i could hear her do this also at night but again didnt realy put two an two together.
My wife was a slim girl when we meet and after our first kid she gained weight rapidly which to be honest upset me as i wanted her to be as near as possible to the weight she was when we first meet.
I am being as honest as i can here i loved my wife deeply and would never have left her either way but i did have aproblem with her weight as she had went up to around 17 stone.
One night when i was drunk in my living room with my best friend i made a stupid comment about my wife just being a shag and my wife overheard it.
I never did discusss my private life with my friends and that was the one and only time and to be honest i hated myself eversince because i didnt even mean it but my wife pulled me up for it some time later and was obviuosly very hurt by it.
I tried to explain that i was so sorry and that i never did or said anything like that before and was deeply sorry.
We eventualy married in 1999 after being together since 1992 and she was still carrying a lot of weight but i still loved her and married her.
By 2001 my wife had gotten her weight down to around 9/10 stone and we split for at least 6 months in 2002 i was devastaed moving out of our home and lost around 3 stone myself due to not eating or sleeping properly as i missed her so much, we eventualy put our differences aside and she asked me if i wanted to move back in again so i did without question.
My wife stayed around that weight up until her death, we also had another kid in 2004 a little boy who is sleeping on the settee as i type and the six years since we got back together were some of our happiest times.
But on the friday before she died she was out with her best friend and told her she had been suffering from bulemia for 6 years and didnt know how to tell me, she also told her friend about the comment i had made way back in 1993 and that she could never go back to that weight again.
She made her friend promise not to tell me and now im left feeling that it was all my fault that she became bulemic due to that silly/horrible comment as she had harboured it in her mind all that time.
The facts are i would never have left her and if she had spoken to me about it i would have tried to help as best i could
Paul