I just need help.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by connor_wants_to_vanish, Mar 29, 2014.

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  1. This past month my life has gone to hell, I suffer from anxiety and depression so my life has always had its ups and downs but heres my story.
    It all started 8 months ago.
    I met the most perfect, beautiful and amazing girl in the world she meant everything to me. Before I wouldn't be bothered to leave my house or even get out of bed, I was a wreck but she made me turn my life around I started fixing myself, I actually made a effort in life instead of letting my problems get to me. I felt amazing and everything for perfect but not for long... we started fighting threated to leave each other over and over but we fixed each other back up and carried on.
    My anxiety and depression was always a problem It always caused problems between us and she never understood that it wasn't my fault.. I didn't mean to get mad or upset. It was my problems ruining everything once again. She made me so happy but I never made her feel the same way so one day she left... I was back to the old me but this time worse, I cut my self leaving scars and deep cuts all around my body. I cut so deep once that I passed out... I didn't tell anyone I just ran away from my problems.
    Then one day I cried in front of my parents because I couldn't run anymore, they didn't understand why I was like this but they were amazing, they helped me as much as they could.
    I would think about suicidal thoughts non stop... I even tired hanging myself, poisoning myself, jumping off a bridge and so much more.
    I was broken even before she left me but her leaving me set off a trigger, it let all the problems, pain and every bad thing back inside me. Suicide was the only way I could stop this pain, I would cry non stop whilst I cut my body leaving endless marks. She moved on left me and now has someone else. Im here slowly dying slowly finding that golden moment to end my life.

    I don't want you to think I want to die because of her. Its much more than that, its just she was the trigger that started all this pain.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi I am glad your parents care so much for you hun and i hope it time your doc and you can get you into some therapy for your anxiety and get you some meds hun to help as well
    Your life can get better ok and you can meet someone else and if you are stable then that will make the relationship stable ok hugs
  3. Thank you so much, messages like that make me feel so much better. Thank you.
  4. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    I hope you'll continue to reach out for help, from your parents and a counselor or therapist. :hug: Things can get better.
  5. faithgone

    faithgone Member

    It's really hard for people who haven't experienced anxiety and depression to understand it. We live in a messed up world, but nobody realizes how common anxiety disorders and depression are. I try to just surround myself with people who will at least not judge me- they may not understand how bad it feels, but they can listen.
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