i just need somebody to listen

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Travis, Mar 23, 2008.

  1. Travis

    Travis New Member

    im new here, but ill get to the point
    my names Travis and im 16
    ive been sucidal ever since i realized how wrong the world is, i get depressed at the thought of anybodies death. i went to therapy for 2 months because my parents were afraid i would kill myself, but i got out of therapy. and i keep all my pain to myself, i dont have any true friends that actually care about me so i have nobody to turn to, i cut myself with a razorblade almost everyday. the pain is perfect, i love the pain but theres a problem..

    i cant hurt my family. my family means the WORLD to me. if i killed myself i cant imagine the pain i would bring upon them. and i just couldnt do that to them. so im stuck in this world of shame and i have no way out. i dont know what to do
  2. x.R.x

    x.R.x Well-Known Member

    Hi and welcome :smile: it's best to get everything off your chest, there's certainly people on here who can relate to what you're going through so you're in the right place. Feel free to PM me if you need someone to listen
  3. Travis

    Travis New Member

    i appreciate your help, its just i feel weird spreading my emotions on a forum i just need somebody to love me. its really all i need
    i just got back from cutting i need it to keep myself going
    i just dont know what to do
  4. x.R.x

    x.R.x Well-Known Member

    I know, it's hard to open up - especially on a forum where loads of people you don't even know can read it :mellow: but once you get going it does help. Is there something you could do to distract yourself from cutting?
  5. Travis

    Travis New Member

    cutting is the one thing that i enjoy its something that prevents me from suicide, if i let all my pain build up then i have a higher chance of suicidal thoughts, so when i cut, it releases those thoughts, i dont know if that makes since to you tho :sad:
  6. x.R.x

    x.R.x Well-Known Member

    yeah it makes sense, do you feel it's helping you in the long term though? i mean would you try and find something else to help you cope if you could?
  7. Patch

    Patch Well-Known Member

    oh my God Travis, everything you said described me at 16. The world just seemed like a such an awful awful place, and I didn't know why I existed, why any of us existed and I just wanted someone to love me. The knives that we owned were dull so when I got into a 'mood' a would break a plastic ruler in half and violently go to town on my arm. No one ever noticed, so I was never sent to therapy or anything.

    All I can say is surround yourself with the people you love and know in your heart, love you. You know who they are, they're the reason you're not already dead. I hope you feel truly happy soon.

    oh, my real name is Megan, and I'm twenty.
  8. Travis

    Travis New Member

    if i could yes, but ive tried many many times i always fail
    pretty much like any other life, were all set to fail
  9. lifeisashedog

    lifeisashedog Well-Known Member

    What? I don't get it :sad: Is it poetry?

    Take care :hug:
  10. mfrieler

    mfrieler Active Member

    Travis, one peice of advice I will give you is this:

    Don't keep your feelings inside. Whether it be on this forums, or you actually do find someone to talk to in real life, try to tell as many TRUSTWORTHY people about how you feel.

    I have been hating myself since age 13. Been feeling so cold and so much pain since that age, and I never took the time to take care of myself and get some help or find a friend to talk to. It really didn't bother me until I got to about age 16, but I still held it in.

    Now I'm 17, 18 in about 1 day, and I'm going through one of the toughest times of my life. Everday is a question...and that really makes you feel bad.

    The beautiful thing is your still only 16, which gives you some time before you graduate and really get thrown a pile of shit from the real world. It's good you started reaching out here, because honestly it will help.

    And about your cutting: I have only cut once in my life. I was near commiting suicide with one of my dads guns when I saw a razor blade by his gun cabinet. I picked it up and brought it to the bathroom and cut. It honestly saved my life, because I know for sure I would have went for the gun. So, even though cutting is so bad, and self-harm is horrid, look to it as a medication not an escape. The more you see it as something that is helping you stay alive, and less of something that is helping you escape the pain, the less you will want to do it and the less you will rely on it. That's only from my experience though.

    Hope you're having a good Easter and write back! :D