I just need someone to tell me it will be okay.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Supreme_G, Aug 20, 2009.

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  1. Supreme_G

    Supreme_G Member

    My best friend just told me that she can't get over the fact that I tried to kill myself and that she doesn't want anything to do with me.

    For the first time since the attempt 18 days ago I wish I had succeeded.

    DAMN IT.

    I hate feeling this way.

    Can somebody just tell me that it'll be okay?
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I'm sorry she said that to you. I know what it's like to have a friend try to kill themselves; it does hurt, and it's hard to deal with. It might just be that she's scared and doesn't know how to deal with it.

    Why did you try to kill yourself? I hope you'll stay and keep talking to us. You can get through this; you don't have to do it alone.

    ODIECOM Well-Known Member

    well,dont feel alone, i lost my friend of 13.5 years for the samething.

    the more i think about it, "my x friend" is pretty much uncaring about anyone but herself.

    what i can tell you is, keep moving on. i know its easier said than done .. but yes it will get better and things will be ok.

    the way i look at it, she wasnt much of a friend anyway. i can understand her thoughts, but ... if the shoe was on the other foot .. i would have been there for her.

    go figure.

    move on with your life/
  4. Supreme_G

    Supreme_G Member

    But what about me? I know she's hurting but am I being too selfish to want to yell at her that I can't do this without my friends? I need her too much and it hurts like hell to know that she just doesn't care.

    Looking back, the reasons for my suicide are kind of stupid but it was morea combination of things that lead me down this dark path that I couldn't get out of.

    She hasn't even asked me why I did it.
  5. mandyj101

    mandyj101 Well-Known Member

    hey there..welcome 2 the forum..
    its really difficult 4 ppl that have never experienced depression or suicidal thoughts 2 understand how we feel.. sometimes ppl react in a really defensive manner and decide 2 have nothing 2 do with us.. dont blame urself 4 this.. its purely because they dont understand.. alot of ppl just dont know how 2 react..
    there are ppl out there that DO understand though..
    us here for starters.. :hug:
    im in the uk.. and we have the samaritans here as a crisis line.. im sure there are lines there? there is a list on the main page of this forum.. please take advantage of them.. they are there 2 help..
    i hope u stay around the forum.. ppl here do understand are here 4 u ..
    pm me anytime x
  6. xan

    xan Chat Buddy

    You could just explain to her that she doesn't need to feel pressured into helping you, just being your friend is enough and that she should just forget about it and treat you normally?
  7. Supreme_G

    Supreme_G Member

    She refuses to even let me explain myself. It's like banging my head against the wall and it hurts just so damn much.

    I can't lose her. I can't.
  8. Supreme_G

    Supreme_G Member

    I am seeing a shrink but it's not the same as having the support of your friends.

    The fact that she can cut it off so easily just really fucking hurts. And it hurts that she won't forgive me.

    How can I forgive myself if she can't forgive me?
  9. xan

    xan Chat Buddy

    You don't need her forgiveness to forgive yourself, you did nothing to her. Not really. I hope you can find a way to talk to her and explain that you're not trying to burden her with this. To be honest it sounds like she's being a bit childish (but I wouldn't say that to her!)
  10. Supreme_G

    Supreme_G Member

    I did to something to her. The night I took the pills I emailed her and she knew what was happening and was powerless to stop it. She kept trying to phone me but I refused to pick up the phone. I can only imagine how powerless she must've felt. I hate myself for putting her through this.

    I can't forgive myself for what I did to her if she can't forgive me.

    Childish or not, I need her to be my friend.
  11. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I know you feel like you need her, but it sounds like, right now, she needs some time. I'm not trying to take her side or make you feel bad, but I've been in her position, and it's scary. My suggestion would be to give her some time. And in the meantime, you can try to work on ways of coping so that it doesn't get to that point again. If there's going to be a chance that the friendship can be repaired, one thing she may need is reassurance that the exact same thing won't happen again.

    Do you have a doctor or therapist you can talk to? And can you work on the issues that caused you to try and kill yourself, try to resolve some of them (or at least talk to someone about them).

    I don't know if the friendship can be saved. Right now, that's probably up to her. But it can't hurt to make some changes, so that she can actually tell you're sorry and that you don't want the same things to happen again. Forgiveness takes time and hard work; she's not going to be able to just forgive you overnight.
  12. i really dont understand why people get mad when someone tries to kill themselves. you did nothing to her... you did it to yourself. if she was a real friend she would be trying to help you overcome it...not be angry with you!
  13. Supreme_G

    Supreme_G Member

    I'm seeing a psychiatrist and up to tonight it's been going really well. I'm trying my utmost best to put my life back together but it just hurts too much to be lonely. It'll just be so easy to end.

    The fact that I'm even considering it again makes me so mad at myself because I'm supposed to be stronger than this.

    Our friendship was supposed to be stronger than this.
  14. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    But you ARE strong. The fact that you're still here, still fighting, proves that you're strong.
  15. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    why don't you write her a letter and tell her that you want her to read it when she has a chance? Could help a little. Have you told her that she's important and that you need her? Maybe that could get her to open up about her pain...
  16. Supreme_G

    Supreme_G Member

    I've tried everything. She refuses to talk to me.

    She doesn't get that I am not strong enough to fight this on my own.
  17. Supreme_G

    Supreme_G Member

    Strong? I'm not strong. I'm sitting on my bed in tears about someone on the other side of the world trying to convince myself that suicide is not the answer.

    I'm not strong.
  18. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    You don't have to fight this on your own. There are other people who can try to help. You can get through this, but you need to give her some time. Give her the space she needs to sort through her emotions. It might be that she's just not strong enough to be there for you right now. It doesn't mean she's a bad person or that she doesn't care.
  19. Supreme_G

    Supreme_G Member

    I want to be mad at her. If I could be mad at her it would make things so much easier but I can't. I want to hate her for not being there for me but it hurts so much that I am the cause of this.

    She can have her space but in the meantime I'm falling apart.

    ODIECOM Well-Known Member

    well, when i was in the physc ward, i called my now x friend. she didnt even bother to ask how i was. nor did she ask me when she brought me some clothes 2 days later. i had been staying with her when i came to this state a month before this happened.

    what about you ?
    i think the shoe has to be on the other foot for a minute. yes, I WOULD HAVE BEEN THERE FOR HER if that had been her in trouble. she decided to do things differantly. youd be suprised at how many ppl THAT DO CARE ,,, get angry because they feel we have stabbed them in the back. they dont like the idea of us being selfish. they are hurting when they find out. they dont want to go through the grief and pain of loosing us.
    i would give it some time. then i would send her an email or a letter.
    maybe in her case, if she knows your getting help she may start to come around. a very good friend to this day, i called in the process of my attempt, and i tell ya.... she was freeking pissed.

    we have to understand that it does effect those that DO CARE for us.
    in my case, my x friend started treating me like crap the day i came out here. she had her own issues with a jealous boyfriend against me staying there for 3 months. im the one that took the heat. i didnt do it BECAUSE OF HER, but the tension that she created in the month and a half i was there and my money issues was a reall good trigger and i snapped.

    give it time, send her an email or letter and be honest with her.

    its worth a shot. if she isnt to badly wounded by this, and if she is a real good friend, she should come around. dont blame her or yourself if she doesnt.
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