I just need to get a few things off my chest...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ganspam, Jan 3, 2007.

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  1. ganspam

    ganspam New Member

    I know lots of people here are in serious difficulty with their lives, but I need to just say this. I'm just so lonely, I've a depressed weirdo all my life and now its just getting to breaking point. I've always thought things would get better now for the past 10 odd years but they never had, I live with two old friends from uni, I think I've got some kind of social anxiety disorder or something, I haven't made a new friend in about five years and now all my so called friends have dumped me cos I'm such a miserable loser in life. I'm now completely alone, and think I will be for my entire life. My 'mates' are dumping me cos i never changed, i'm always the same old fucked up person, i have trouble talking to people and prefer staying out of social situations, cos of that people think i'm rude and not nice and shun me even further, its breaks my heart at times. I just don't think I'm able to deal with this world and can't take this much longer. I made a big mistake in dabbling in drugs and got heavily into weed. This screwed things up even furhter as it made me even more suicidal and my housemates heard my wishes and now just think i'm an even bigger weirdo, god what a stupid mistake. I think some part of me wants me to fail and to die - i've always fought it till now but now its won and i feel close to the finishing point. I'm having trouble at work and people call me a weirdo and a loser there too, there is no escape from it anywhere, its now with me 24 hours a day and its just too much, no escape. my father tried to kill himself a few months ago for the same reason, god its in the family and if he a family man with a wife and kids can't escape it then what hope for me? I just feel so exhausted, depressed and alone, now just seems to be the right time to go.
    Its like i've given myself a shot at this world, i've given it my best, but lifes so not worth the hassle and pain that it brings me every hour of every day.
    thanks for listenin
     
  2. Stylez

    Stylez Well-Known Member

    rationalizing suicide is always a tuff read for me as then i think whats the point. I mean if you had friends for ten years thats better off then me. But i know how you feel alienated by them or they of you because of your behavior. Alot of people are going to say a lot of the same things so all i can suggest is to seek medical help. I heard in countries like yours (Outside the US) seeking help is a sort of taboo but the thought of suicide is not the way. AT ALL. you need to get that out of your head. I'll let the others talk about how you can always make new friends and shit like that...but i hope you know that it does help to be on meds, have a therapist, have a support group with people my age, family i (think) i can count on, etc. Hope you read this....
     
  3. bipolarkitty

    bipolarkitty Well-Known Member

    Loneliness is a very hard thing to deal with. Dealing with social anxiety is even harder. I've had to deal with social anxiety. I got so bad that I only left my house to go to therapy. I guess what I'm saying is that it can get better. And I did it without meds. Just a lot of hard work. It still gets me at times, and it's very hard to make friends, but for the most part, I'm able to function outside of my house now.

    I'm sorry that you're feeling like an outcast. God, do I know how that feels. It hurts a lot. Try to remember that you're not alone.

    That must have been scary, dealing with your dad's attempt. I know I'd be freaking out if that happened to me.

    Hang in there. PM if you want to talk.
     
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