I'm sitting here very close to tears, I just need to vent. Earlier this year I attempted to date a girl. Lets just say, it didn't go so well. This was a huge step for me for two reasons. First is my Asperger's, second is the fact that last year I was completely off my trolley (self loathing, wanting to off myself etc). Even after all the therapy and shit that I had, I can't say I feel any better right now. After all the shit with the girl earlier in the year, I've been feeling pretty bad it all (even though what happened really wasn't my fault, I blame myself for the predicament because I was too stupid to see it wouldn't work). I now like another girl. There is no chance before hell freezes over that I have a chance with her. I see myself dying alone. IRL I'm pretty stoic about my emotions, I keep them bottled up until I reach breaking point. Presently i'm in a full on episode of complete self loath, anger and hatred. The more I think about it, the more I hate myself. There is nothing anyone can do to change that. I have nobody to cuddle up with, nobody to hug me. I don't have many friends, and even then, I'm not sure if the ones I've got are really my friends. I don't trust them enough to tell them any of this. Most of them have no idea that I was treated for depression, out of fear of ridicule. Last night I got incredibly drunk with some people here, and I lot alot of this stuff about this girl out. I was told there is no chance in hell. I was also told I'm going to grow old, and die alone, because I'm not "that type of guy" (sounds like that episode of the Big Bang Theory doesn't it? The irony astounded me even in my drunken haze). So now I sit, writing this post, then I'm going to go and drink a large amount of alcohol before writing myself a suicide note. What happens next, I don't know yet, but I'll finally be at peace. Please give me some guidance. Please.