I just need to get it out.

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by b0wfl3x, Aug 22, 2009.

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  1. b0wfl3x

    b0wfl3x Member

    I'm sitting here very close to tears, I just need to vent.

    Earlier this year I attempted to date a girl. Lets just say, it didn't go so well. This was a huge step for me for two reasons. First is my Asperger's, second is the fact that last year I was completely off my trolley (self loathing, wanting to off myself etc). Even after all the therapy and shit that I had, I can't say I feel any better right now.

    After all the shit with the girl earlier in the year, I've been feeling pretty bad it all (even though what happened really wasn't my fault, I blame myself for the predicament because I was too stupid to see it wouldn't work). I now like another girl. There is no chance before hell freezes over that I have a chance with her. I see myself dying alone. IRL I'm pretty stoic about my emotions, I keep them bottled up until I reach breaking point. Presently i'm in a full on episode of complete self loath, anger and hatred. The more I think about it, the more I hate myself. There is nothing anyone can do to change that. I have nobody to cuddle up with, nobody to hug me. I don't have many friends, and even then, I'm not sure if the ones I've got are really my friends. I don't trust them enough to tell them any of this. Most of them have no idea that I was treated for depression, out of fear of ridicule. Last night I got incredibly drunk with some people here, and I lot alot of this stuff about this girl out. I was told there is no chance in hell. I was also told I'm going to grow old, and die alone, because I'm not "that type of guy" (sounds like that episode of the Big Bang Theory doesn't it? The irony astounded me even in my drunken haze). So now I sit, writing this post, then I'm going to go and drink a large amount of alcohol before writing myself a suicide note. What happens next, I don't know yet, but I'll finally be at peace. Please give me some guidance. Please.
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Please don't kill yourself!!

    If your friends seriously told you that you're going to grow old and die alone, they don't sound like true friends.

    What makes you think you don't have a chance with this girl? I know Asperger's can be tough to deal with at times, but I also know a lot of people who have it and live normal, fulfilling lives and end up finding someone they're happy with.
  3. mandyj101

    mandyj101 Well-Known Member

    hi there..
    as wildcherry said.. they dont sound like true friends.. or nice ppl!
    i know its hard 2 ignore comments like that.. but try not 2 let what they have said get u down.. they are obviously really insensitive ppl..
    i dont have many friends myself.. but iv made a few here :)
    mabye u can keep posting around the forum and make some more aswel?

    please try not 2 drink much.. i know when im drinking large amounts im more likely 2 harm myself..

    im not sure where ur from.. but are there any crisis lines u could call there? mabye the samaritans?

    stay safe :hug:

  4. b0wfl3x

    b0wfl3x Member

    Thanks guys.

    I'm still here. I just got belligerently drunk and passed out on the keyboard. I wouldn't have been able to hurt myself if my life depended on it. Still don't know what I should do though.
  5. ZebedeeAU

    ZebedeeAU New Member

    You and I need to talk. Seriously.
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