Yesterday I shaving and I was thinking how I was never actually taught to shave my legs, or really to do a lot of things. I just kind of looked at my tools and tried to figure it out. But it also reminded me that I started shaving later than most other women probably did and I never picked it up as a regular habit for several reasons. The first being that I typically shave in the shower so it makes my showers longer meaning I would get yelled at for wasting water. The second being that I always miss hair anyway so I kind of find it pointless. I can’t really SEE in the shower because I take off my glasses and when I can’t even see the hair it makes it hard to get rid of. And then there is the “don’t want to cut myself” thoughts. (I have really really bad vision i literally cannot see the hair on my legs when I don't have my glasses on despite the hair being SUPER DARK) Scarily enough I shave best on BAD days. I mean where I am sitting in the tub with the water running trying to wash away thoughts of self harm. Shaving those days would seem like a terrible idea but it let me get blades close to my skin but promoted me being really slow and careful. But the no cutting goes back much much further. When I was first thinking about shaving because I was that age my mom’s razor fell one time when I was taking a shower and I stepped on it. I nicked myself on the blade because of that. I had been walking around barefoot and my mom saw the bandage on my foot. I got yelled at for cutting myself on a razor. “You had better not be cutting yourself with a razor,” were her exact words. Back then I thought it meant I was too young to be shaving. But now I see that wasn't the case and that her saying that was one of the reasons I never actually did cut myself when I REALLY wanted to when I was younger. She very clearly established that self harm was shameful. That I would have been a coward and making a mess for her to clean up if I did that sort of thing. But it’s also something no one would remember if I said it, just like ANY instance of abuse in my family.