cause then maybe i won't do it. it would be so nice to go fall asleep on the train tracks, or hang myself from the fence in the back. anything that would make everything stop and stop me from consistantly ruining everything. just one more big thing that upsets everyone instead of a million constant little ones. i won't do it but i want to so badly and the longing just makes it worse. everyone says "do whatever makes you happy", ya well, be careful what you wish for. someday maybe i will. fml.