i just need to say some stuff.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by annabarista, Sep 13, 2016.

  1. annabarista

    annabarista Member

    I am almost 16 i have 4 other siblings ages 13, 5, 3, 1. i am home schooled. (but not the unsocial kind i'm very active in sports and orchestra.) i felt suicidal yesterday even went so far as to write a note. but i found this forum on ways to carry out my wish to end my life.I am very glad i found this because even though ive only been on her for two days i feel very supported and loved. the reason why i wanted to end my life is because i have just too much pain and stuff on my plate,honestly i always have. With 4 other siblings my parents often ask my to babysit for various things and i understand it because who wants to take 3 toddlers into the grocery store? So i babysit ALOT and i have alot of school too. Sometimes the toddlers are just too distracting so i dont get hw done. and my mom and dad are putting alot of pressure on me right now to get it done in a timely manner. i also have sports two days a week and orchestra 2 days a week and when im home i get distracted on hw so i end up doing on the weekend too. Also i just moved to another state from the one i was born and raised in. So im missing my friends and all of my family lived there too. im talking even 2nd cousins. The only time i can talk to my two best friends is late at night. one of them is a dancer so i have to stay up even later late to talk to her. and then after i go to bedi cant sleep because im crying and worried about the next day. i worry so much my sister took a picture of me sleeping (one of the rare occasions) an my face had a worried look. On top of that i have gained some 40lbs in about 6 months and im ashamed of my body. i have tried a diet and excessive camp i lost weight but that was when i was a little better. over all im just tired and unhappy. i cry for no reason any time of the day and my parents dont even seem to are when i try to talk to them about it. All my mom does is brush it off by saying oh i felt exactly like you at your age. anyway i just wanted to get that off my chest. right now im just feeling a bit down.
     
  2. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    It does sound like you do have a lot on your plate for obligations and responsibilities. Homework is really horrible and unforgiving those days. On top of it having to watch younger ones its a lot to take in for anyone.

    Have you tried to see if your school have counselor you could talk to about your situation.

    Make a schedule blocks what you are really going through and show this to your parents to see what you are really doing and everyone needs to enjoy being a teenager on weekends it helps us learn better during that time.

    Good luck
     
  3. annabarista

    annabarista Member

    Thanks but i have made a schedule and sometimes i stick to it but when i forget to take my meds i dont. I have a focus issue and take medicine to help me focus. I dont have a school counselor but thanks for the advice.
     
  4. moxman

    moxman Well-Known Member

    Hello annabarista, I am Mox

    Welcome to SF and thank you for sharing your story with us. If you get really bored, you can read my story below in green. Just know that when you are here, you are safe. No one will ridicule you or judge you in any fashion. That BS is not tolerated here.

    My goodness you have a lot on your plate young lady. I am worried about you. You have a lot of responsibilities, you lost your support network when you moved, plus you're still going through your teenage years. (Teenage years are not easy my young friend, like you didn't already know that. =) You mention that you are not happy with your physical body, and you are having trouble sleeping.

    I really like the fact that you play in sports and the orchestra. What instrument do you play btw?

    You mention you take medication to help you focus. Do you think your parents would take you to see a counselor? Could you tell me more about the sleep problem, you mentioned?

    Feel free to PM/IM me anytime

    Take Care
     
  5. annabarista

    annabarista Member

    Thanks for those kind words! I play violin, and no i don't think they would. I'm not really one to tell my parents everything because every time iv'e tried in the past, they just say i'm making up excuses. My sleep problem is kinda hard to describe; i just feel restless and scared to fall asleep. In the past iv'e had some pretty awful nightmares and those get me depressed. Thanks for caring.
     
  6. moxman

    moxman Well-Known Member

    My dear, what are you scared of?

    Your sleep problem bugs me for some reason, plus the nightmares.

    Would it be ok if I PM'd you, and we could talk?

    I was actually kicked out of highschool band, for not having the right rhythm. =)
     
  7. MusicalHeart

    MusicalHeart Well-Known Member

    You know, your sleep problem sounds like mine, minus the nightmares. I'm really restless and scared to fall asleep (mostly cuz of my past) but I have to wait until I basically pass out from being tired to sleep. I don't have nightmares but I don't dream either. I'm just there in darkness.
     
  8. Frances M

    Frances M Mountain Woman

    Hi Annabarista :)

    I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. I was the second of 5 kids, I was also required to babysit the two youngest anytime, anywhere and I honestly resented it because it took away from time I wanted to spend doing things for myself, like schoolwork, which I actually enjoyed, and piano. I'm envious that you play the violin, this is something on my dream list to learn as a matter of fact! I haven't played the piano in years either, but music in your life is a wonderful thing. If you can't talk to your parents, I wonder who you can talk to because you are home schooled...you said you take meds, so you have a doctor, can you talk to him/her about the depression and nightmares? I suffer nightmares as well, I have had a recurring one for 40 years now and each time it's terrifying. I do know what it means, if you believe in Freud's theory that all dreams are based on deeply subconscious fears, desires or needs...but I still have them unfortunately. If you feel restless, one thing you can do is a full body stretch before bed, that relaxes me enough to at least feel comfy when I lie down. I hope that things get better for you, keep talking to people here, it's so helpful. xx
     
  9. annabarista

    annabarista Member

    Thank you i actually dont have a doctor as i said we just moved i have only lived here for a month now. I haven't run out of my meds yet so i have not gone to the doctor.But thanks for the advice and yes i do believe that dreams are based on your fears.