I just need to shout, okay?!

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Tara, May 20, 2007.

  1. Tara

    Tara Guest

    This will prob seem stupid and pointless and what ev. to you lot, but i need to get stuff off my chest.

    Well right so you're not out of the "loop" so to speak.
    Gillian = Aunt (nans sister)
    She has been around a lot lately, she always seems to be there. (shes friendly with my mum nowadays)

    theres little things she does that just annoys me. and today i felt like i was gonna just burst. ive had enough.
    Theres little things she does which annoys and cause i never say anything, they just build and build but now its getting to the top and its gonna flow over and im gonna go nuts!

    Its like well she has 3 sons (all in their 20's) and all drive, yet they never do anything for her, my mum is always expected to take her places. My mum takes my aunty food shopping everyweek, because she goes, she feels that she may aswell as her too.
    Well last week Gillian was out in town with her friend in the morning so mum went with nana. Gillian foned then in a huff and went nuts cause she wasnt "asked" she wasnt home!!! and then mum went back to get her cause she felt guilty, its not as if she HAS to take her or anything, jeez.

    Oh yeah and she always gets chocolates or sweets out and goes "oh i shouldnt ask, Tara...do you want one?" and its like :mad:!!! grrrr! if i bloody want a chocolate i will have 10! just cause ive said i want to lose weight it doesnt mean i cant bloody have a chocolate now and then (i like never eat the stuff!) i dont mind if she didnt offer at all, but why does she say stuff that i overhear?! it really annoys me and makes me feel worse its like oh so i cant eat chocolate now can i, im THAT fat am i?!:mad:

    anyway today my nan said she'd take Charlie (the dog) to town to buy him a collar (cause his are all getting way too small) and then we'd take him for a walk up the country park thingy by us. Guess who turns up too?:mad: ee! then cause i was still in my jama's she went mad "i need to go to town, its 2:40, the shops will be closed now" :dry: YOU LIVE 5MINS FROM TOWN, IF U NEEDED STUFF, YOU SHOULDVE GONE THIS MORNING! :dry:

    Then on the way down we were talking about the Jenna (she was murdered by her bf the other day) and then we went on to talk about the murder of Irish (he lives by us too....his wife was the supposedly killer but got away with it last week) so we were talking about that. I said "i cant believe that bitch got away with that!!" and she was like "no one knows it was her" i said "only them two were downstairs! who else could it be!" and she was like "TARA, only them two know the truth, there are no witnesses" so i said "yer, okay so he stabbed himself did he? :rolleyes: " and she was like "TARA he was on drugs, you dont know what he would do" and i said "you dont know that. i know alot of people who take drugs and you wouldnt think they do or know it" and she was like "i lived with a druggie for 7years i KNOW what they are like" starting to shout at me. and i was like "not everyone reacts the same to drugs, they dont all take the same stuff for a start"...."well he took everything" :dry:
    i had to stop and walk behind cause she was making me mad. she ALWAYS thinks she knows everything. and its annoying because i knew him and he wasnt a druggie, he wasnt a nutter. And NO YOU CANT just look at people and know they are on drugs, FFS THERE CAN BE DOCTORS ON DRUGS!! you just DONT KNOW!

    :dry: :dry: i feel like screaming on the top of my lungs! i hate people who wont let you have your say. who always have to be right, who cannot let anyone have opinions.

    Im so glad she went home after town and didnt go for a walk with us cause i was getting really down, as soon as she left it was like a weight had been lifted and i felt so much better. i enjoyed the walk then. it was nice.

    but tomorrow is monday....food shopping day....which means shes gonna be there. If i dont go with mum shes gonna expect me to clean the house and when i dont, go mad. also she'll forget what i want. If i do go, SHES gonna be there, and shes gonna annoy.

    It doesnt help that ive not taken my medication in WEEKS. i keep forgetting and now i need more. but everytime i want to go to the doctors mum moans cause its far away, and that she has to wait for ages in the car for me :rolleyes: what 5 mins. u cant make ur daughter happy and better by waiting for 30ish mins in the car?! once a month?!

    She keeps nagging me to change doctors closer to us, that way i can go by myself. but i like my doctor. the 1st one didnt understand, but ive got to know this one, and i love going to see her, she understands me, she helps me. the other one gave me 10mg and sent me on my way. this one helps me, gives me the correct dosage, offers books, counselling, therapy!
    Im afraid if i change i wont get the same back. im scared. i dont want to talk to another person. i dont want to open up to a new person.

    Also it doesnt help when your nan keeps shouting "GET OFF THEM TABLETS. THATS WHAT U NEED TO DO.......get off them Tara. or at least get them down, your too high" i feel like screaming, they're not too high, infact i think i need to go to 60mg. im not feeling right, and i know its my fault recently for not taking them.
    the withdrawals are awful, im cranky, snappy, sad, upset, sleepy, pissed off, suicidal..........!! SHOUTS AT MYSELF!

    sorry for the long rant.
  2. ~Nobody~

    ~Nobody~ Well-Known Member


    Sorry you're feeling so full of ... stuff. I hope ranting like that helped you. I know it usually makes me feel a bit better.

    First things first, you need to start taking your meds regularly missy. For starters, it's a waste. Every time you go several weeks without you have to go potentially several weeks on them again afterwards for them to kick in. And they won't be nearly as effective if you don't take them every day. Secondly, as I guess you're finding out, withdrawal is horrible :sad: and it negatively affects you and the people around you. You're a little short with someone, they go nuts at you, you go REALLY nuts back ('cause you're off the meds) and BOOM! :rolleyes:

    So, yes, behave yourself. Or I shall be over to Wales to remind you every morning :tongue: (actually, that's not a bad excuse... whereabouts are you? :laugh:)

    This Gillian woman sounds absolutely maddening. But I'm afraid lots of people are like that. Especially (and I don't mean to offend anyone here!) a lot of more... elderly people. They seem to think they know everything, and that especially comes out when they're talking to someone our age (how could we possibly know something they don't when we've been on the planet for less than a third of the time?). I work in a charity shop on Saturdays, and a few of the volunteers are rather like your Gillian. I find the best method is just to agree with what they say (to a certain extent) and avoid them like the plague if possible! It must be harder if this is family though. I think we all have family we'd rather not be related to at all, but luckily for most people the visits are limited to Christmas time! It's a shame you have to have so much contact with Gillian... But I must say that personally I'd choose putting up with her around Sainsbury's than cleaning the house.

    Maybe you could try to swap the anger and irritation for some kind of pity? Usually people like this have very lonely lives, and they usually know all too well in their hearts that they do not know everything. Maybe she's just awful with people. I know it doesn't make her any less annoying, but it might help you keep the outbursts under wraps for the duration of her visits (trust me, arguing only makes them worse! :rolleyes:)

    She is a cow for doing that with chocolates though.... Is she overweight, by any chance?

    The meds will really help you put up with her too hon'. You really should start taking them regularly.... *stops lecturing*

    As for your mum not wanting to take you to pick up your medication... can you maybe try suggesting that if you have the medication you will be more pleasant to live with? I'm not suggesting that you're unpleasant to live with, not at all, but a line like that might work with my mum. She loves me putting myself down and complimenting her patience for putting up with me :dry:.

    Is there public transport you can use to get to the doctors' to pick stuff up? I know it's not ideal, especially when you are anxious about going out, but surely it'd be better than changing your doctor? If I had a doctor I was as impressed with as you are with yours, I'd travel across the country to visit them :tongue:. Good doctors are a blessing, so make the most of it :smile:.

    Your Nan, saying you shouldn't be taking tablets, obviously doesn't understand the nature of depression. Unfortunately we have to deal with lots of people saying things like that, as if we should just pick ourselves up and get on with life without help... but we just have to rmember that they don't understand. Don't agree with them, but try not to make a big thing out of it. It's also possible that she just feels rotten inside that you are depressed at all. If she knows her ex tried to touch your mum when she was young, she probably already carries guilt for any depression your mum has suffered or does suffer. She probably just cares about you a lot, and doesn't want to think about you needing pills to be well. None of my family approve of my taking anti-depressants, even though my mum is a mental health nurse, my grandma was recently on anti-Ds herself, and my grandad seriously attempted suicide when I was about 5. They all know what depression can do, and what the right medication can do, but I guess none of them is able to come to terms with the idea that their little girl has problems like that.

    Phew, anyway, I have typed for too long. You will get bored!!

    Hope this helps, at least a little. Always here if you want someone to talk to :hug:.


    PS. You're quite right about the drugs thing, by the way. It's a very interesting thing, really, the pressure to conform to social norms. It's just the same as not knowing that the person who sits next to you on the bus every day wishes they could throw themselves under it. People can be amazing actors when faced with the stigma of drug addiction, alcoholism, mental illness, homosexuality... anything.
  3. Tara

    Tara Guest

    So its finished haha.

    thanks...again! :hug:

    I know, i need to put an alarm on my phone or something to remind me to take them, cause i forget. Plus when im working i dont get home til late then i only remember once ive gone to bed lol.
    i know im making myself worse.

    ROFL. yes come over :laugh:

    I know, she is. But its like only all of a sudden that shes started to annoy me, she never did before. maybe its cause she seems to be everywhere i turn!
    And no shes super skinny like size 6-8-10 ! and she hates it. if i wanna annoy i'll just call her skinny haha.
    Yeah good advice. i shall try my best. thank you.

    I know, its suprising how much they affect you. my mum must think its that time of the month every day! lol. Its just annoying because im trying not to let my irritations and stuff show but she keeps shouting at me "for being in a mood for nothing" and its like argh! its not for nothing mun!
    Thats true, i'll mention that ;) it may persuade her. Yes theres public transport but i never seem to have any money *thinks* although i do have my bus pass from college that i can use during term time (its gonna run out soon). i'll just talk to her about it, and mention what you said, she'll prob be cool with it for a while then lol

    Thats sooo true (the family thing).
    Im sorry to hear about what your family has gone through. :hug: and cwtches!

    And yes! what you said about older people. i forgot to mention that she did say "ive been around alot longer than you to see things" and i said "yeh but times have changed, drugs are more on show these days"...but as usual, im wrong :rolleyes:

    Exactly! when im out with friends no one will know im depressed, im laughin, joking happy! (all for show) but they dont know that!
    Last edited: May 20, 2007