This will prob seem stupid and pointless and what ev. to you lot, but i need to get stuff off my chest. Well right so you're not out of the "loop" so to speak. Gillian = Aunt (nans sister) She has been around a lot lately, she always seems to be there. (shes friendly with my mum nowadays) theres little things she does that just annoys me. and today i felt like i was gonna just burst. ive had enough. Theres little things she does which annoys and cause i never say anything, they just build and build but now its getting to the top and its gonna flow over and im gonna go nuts! Its like well she has 3 sons (all in their 20's) and all drive, yet they never do anything for her, my mum is always expected to take her places. My mum takes my aunty food shopping everyweek, because she goes, she feels that she may aswell as her too. Well last week Gillian was out in town with her friend in the morning so mum went with nana. Gillian foned then in a huff and went nuts cause she wasnt "asked" she wasnt home!!! and then mum went back to get her cause she felt guilty, its not as if she HAS to take her or anything, jeez. Oh yeah and she always gets chocolates or sweets out and goes "oh i shouldnt ask, Tara...do you want one?" and its like !!! grrrr! if i bloody want a chocolate i will have 10! just cause ive said i want to lose weight it doesnt mean i cant bloody have a chocolate now and then (i like never eat the stuff!) i dont mind if she didnt offer at all, but why does she say stuff that i overhear?! it really annoys me and makes me feel worse its like oh so i cant eat chocolate now can i, im THAT fat am i?! anyway today my nan said she'd take Charlie (the dog) to town to buy him a collar (cause his are all getting way too small) and then we'd take him for a walk up the country park thingy by us. Guess who turns up too? ee! then cause i was still in my jama's she went mad "i need to go to town, its 2:40, the shops will be closed now" :dry: YOU LIVE 5MINS FROM TOWN, IF U NEEDED STUFF, YOU SHOULDVE GONE THIS MORNING! :dry: Then on the way down we were talking about the Jenna (she was murdered by her bf the other day) and then we went on to talk about the murder of Irish (he lives by us too....his wife was the supposedly killer but got away with it last week) so we were talking about that. I said "i cant believe that bitch got away with that!!" and she was like "no one knows it was her" i said "only them two were downstairs! who else could it be!" and she was like "TARA, only them two know the truth, there are no witnesses" so i said "yer, okay so he stabbed himself did he? " and she was like "TARA he was on drugs, you dont know what he would do" and i said "you dont know that. i know alot of people who take drugs and you wouldnt think they do or know it" and she was like "i lived with a druggie for 7years i KNOW what they are like" starting to shout at me. and i was like "not everyone reacts the same to drugs, they dont all take the same stuff for a start"...."well he took everything" :dry: i had to stop and walk behind cause she was making me mad. she ALWAYS thinks she knows everything. and its annoying because i knew him and he wasnt a druggie, he wasnt a nutter. And NO YOU CANT just look at people and know they are on drugs, FFS THERE CAN BE DOCTORS ON DRUGS!! you just DONT KNOW! :dry: :dry: i feel like screaming on the top of my lungs! i hate people who wont let you have your say. who always have to be right, who cannot let anyone have opinions. Im so glad she went home after town and didnt go for a walk with us cause i was getting really down, as soon as she left it was like a weight had been lifted and i felt so much better. i enjoyed the walk then. it was nice. but tomorrow is monday....food shopping day....which means shes gonna be there. If i dont go with mum shes gonna expect me to clean the house and when i dont, go mad. also she'll forget what i want. If i do go, SHES gonna be there, and shes gonna annoy. It doesnt help that ive not taken my medication in WEEKS. i keep forgetting and now i need more. but everytime i want to go to the doctors mum moans cause its far away, and that she has to wait for ages in the car for me what 5 mins. u cant make ur daughter happy and better by waiting for 30ish mins in the car?! once a month?! She keeps nagging me to change doctors closer to us, that way i can go by myself. but i like my doctor. the 1st one didnt understand, but ive got to know this one, and i love going to see her, she understands me, she helps me. the other one gave me 10mg and sent me on my way. this one helps me, gives me the correct dosage, offers books, counselling, therapy! Im afraid if i change i wont get the same back. im scared. i dont want to talk to another person. i dont want to open up to a new person. Also it doesnt help when your nan keeps shouting "GET OFF THEM TABLETS. THATS WHAT U NEED TO DO.......get off them Tara. or at least get them down, your too high" i feel like screaming, they're not too high, infact i think i need to go to 60mg. im not feeling right, and i know its my fault recently for not taking them. the withdrawals are awful, im cranky, snappy, sad, upset, sleepy, pissed off, suicidal..........!! SHOUTS AT MYSELF! sorry for the long rant.