I just realized I have nothing

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by BlondRedHead, Jul 10, 2011.

  1. BlondRedHead

    BlondRedHead Well-Known Member

    I have nothing. I moved in with my mom after I lost my job and my house foreclosed. Ok, I moved on. My mom and I don't get along and she hits me, tells me she hates me and gangs up on me with my younger brother and sister. They talk smack and make up stories about me to my family so I blow em off. Big deal. I had to move, no job and lease was up so I moved to San Diego. The guy I have been dating for a year and 8 months but still can't handle the term boyfriend/girlfriend lives here and is like, move closer. Get away from your family, I'll be here for you. So I find a telemarketing job, rent out a room from this guy a few blocks away from my guys house and all should be good. But it isn't. I move in and his room mate/brother is all, she's gonna be here all the time now. So he comes to see me and his brothers like oh great now you're gonna be gone all the time. So... he barely hangs with me now. I have been here nine days and we've seen each other 4 times. He came over last night and left early this morning so I got to spend the whole day alone. He lied to me a few days ago, went out with his friends and had some stay over but told me he was staying in all night and going to bed early. He says we are friends but he blows me off. I'm fucking done. I am lonely I don't have a friend in the world and I might lose this job already. I have such low self esteem I let myself get used so I wont be all alone. What's wrong with me? I hate myself and I hate my life.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Try to make new friends a your new job okay hang out with them see if bf comes around more then You too can play his game
  3. LoveBeing

    LoveBeing Well-Known Member

    Sorry you are now in such a situation and feeling low…

    You still have your health? The guy may not be mature enough to have a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship yet?

    Now that you are aware that you have low self esteem, maybe you can work on it and be a good friend to yourself? When you can be a good friend to yourself, you can attract good friends to you…

    Things change. How you think and feel also changes...

    Please hang in there! hugs :hug:
  4. BlondRedHead

    BlondRedHead Well-Known Member

    I called the guy im dating today and he was so sketchy on the phone. When I left work I stopped by and he was all weird with me. I asked him his deal and he said he just needs to get used to me being so close, feels like he has a gf again, etc. I told him, if im not ur gf and not ur friend what the hell am i? He said, "u r my friend." I wanted to punch him. His room mate came outside and was like are u coming back to hang out? Nope, he doesn't want me around. I don't know how to meet people and not to be mean but most of the people at my company are junkies, strippers and alcoholics. I don't want to be their friends. I think mostly I am just hurt. Last week my guy is like, "I will be here for you." this week he needs space. Also, he stopped kissing me and hugs me goodbye. Great. I feel so sick and all I do is cry. My dad called me today to see how I am and I just started crying. I am very sad. Like, I been planning how to hurt myself. I used to be so fun and outgoing and now... I'm nobody. I don't know how to even be happy anymore. Wow. If you knew me a couple yrs ago u would be shocked to see me now. I dropped 67 ilbs this last yr because I have been so down. Good and bad for my health, I'm thinner, yay. But my heart hurts all the time. I think it's broken. Can that happen? I hate people the whine and feel sorry for themselves but I am beyond caring. I just want to fade away.
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Yes believe it or not your heart can be broken hun but please know he his not worth that kind of pain You deserve someone that will treat you like you are special you deserve someone that will return your affection hun He is not worth getting upset over hugs to you
  6. LoveBeing

    LoveBeing Well-Known Member

    I remember some experiences I had with “boyfriend” kind of relationship. When I got serious and really thought about potential commitment, guys would step back and want “space”. When I took it easy and not really thought much about serious commitment, they would care more about our relationship…

    I’m not suggesting playing games or anything. Maybe it’s just how most guys are. Maybe it does not even matter how old they are. It was funny to watch America’s Funniest Home Videos where lots of grooms fainted at the wedding ceremonies. They are so afraid of commitment - even until they get married. Your guy may be at the stage where he is really not sure how far he could go with his relationship with you. He would probably be more drawn to you when you do give him some space. Not playing mind games. Just the psychological side of things…

    See if you can remember how you used to be so fun and outgoing. Maybe you were not as serious or you did not care as much? I don’t mean that you change back to how you were, but maybe you can be a bit more laid back and things may just flow with ease?

    Wish you well and hugs :hug: