I just realized..

I take a look around me at school, and see all these close friends being close and inside-joking. I don't have that kind of friend at school. The only friend that I have like that lives miles and miles away and even now she's made a lot of friends and is starting to ignore me. :sad:

And it doesn't even end there. I get home and stay on my safe haven, my room and my computer.. But jeebus forbid I check myspace and everyone has "mary sue <33s her bff jillie bob : D : D : D" and I'm left with one or two people who comment me every month.

But it goes on!

My brother beats me up every time I say that wrestling is stupid. It slips out of my mouth, and I get punched and slapped. I told my mom that he ate my powdered donut and after I hung up the phone, he jumped on me and started punching me. I tell my mom and she says, "Oh, he's just playing. ."


Dad gets pissed and comes over and starts criticizing our house. Keep in mind it isn't his house, and he lives with his girlfriend. Yet, he comes over and says, "This isn't clean enough. Your room is disgusting, take the cup off the table. The house smells like cat shit. You're not doing anything for your mother, you don't care about her. One day we're going to die and you're not going to have anything. I grew up with an uncle who did this and that so this is nothing compared to that.
Your depression is because of the divorce, chemical imbalance is bullshit."


After my family dies, I may as well commit suicide.

Or even tomorrow.

I don't know how long I can keep my bullshit happy routine up.

 

It can be hard when there is no one there who can be close to you. If you need someone to talk to then feel free to PM me anytime.

 

It sounds as if you're having a really rough time. I wish I could offer some practical advice. Its hard when you find making friends difficult. I was a loner at school, so I can understand the feelings you're going through.

As difficult as it may seem, the only way to be popular is to act popular. I bet that most of your peers have similar insecurities. You have to project a persona that people will like. if you wander around with a cloud above your head then you're not going to attract the kind of friends you're looking for.

Regarding your brother, if you *really* feel he's beating you up then you have to take some kind of action. Could it be that he's not really aware of his own strength? I'm not saying that you're wrong, but could there be an element of him taking things too far?

try to ignore your dad, as you say, its not his house. to belittle your problems the way he does is quite nasty, try not to let it get to you. your problems are real and you have the right to have them treated as such.

I am sure it will get better in time. am here to listen whenever.

 

I do the same happy bullshit routine, so I know what you are talking about. It sucks. And I know what it feels like to feel alone. So, take comfort in the fact that you are not the only person that feels like you are feeling. I am sorry your family is causing you so much pain, that is not right and you don't deserve any of it. Is their a teacher or someone you could talk to ? Is there someone you trust in your life that could help you? You don't have to do this alone, you can let it out, you don't have to keep up the routine and you don't have to murder yourself either because you are angry at them and life in general. Try to stop the happy bullshit routine if you can and let someone know how you really feel, your post was a good start, keep talking and get it out.

 

Hey, my aim is mustangaw1259. If you ever want to talk holla. I knida know how you feel.

 

I know how you feel thelonelyaloeplant. It seems all my good friends i've made on here or myspace, and a few of them live on the opposite side of the country.
If you ever need to chat feel free to pm me

 

I don,t know you but i just wanted to let you know i read and i care

:hug: :hug:

 

Aloe here, just checking back in. I'm holding up pretty well, I guess. I think maybe the loneliness of summer is getting to me.

It's just so hard to tell people how I feel. They could send me to a mental institution.