I'll never have anything even close to self-esteem. The littlest stuff sets me off. I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to keep trying. I've decided to try to lose 20 pounds, maybe then I'd feel better about myself. And after I exercised, I did. Then I was hungry and had to eat something and felt awful again. I keep thinking about throwing my food up. And my fiance keeps talking about all these different people at work and it makes me feel insignificant every time he talks to someone else, like he likes them better than me or something. I talk to people on the internet sometimes but never in real life, willingly. And every time I do talk to someone online, it's usually about suicide anyway because I feel like shit. He willingly has normal conversations with people in real life and it makes me jealous and feel bad. I'm just incredibly messed up. Every time I start to feel sorry for myself it doesn't help any, but it's all true... I can't help it.