I just really don't like myself.

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I'll never have anything even close to self-esteem. The littlest stuff sets me off. I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to keep trying. I've decided to try to lose 20 pounds, maybe then I'd feel better about myself. And after I exercised, I did. Then I was hungry and had to eat something and felt awful again. I keep thinking about throwing my food up. And my fiance keeps talking about all these different people at work and it makes me feel insignificant every time he talks to someone else, like he likes them better than me or something. I talk to people on the internet sometimes but never in real life, willingly. And every time I do talk to someone online, it's usually about suicide anyway because I feel like shit. He willingly has normal conversations with people in real life and it makes me jealous and feel bad. I'm just incredibly messed up. Every time I start to feel sorry for myself it doesn't help any, but it's all true... I can't help it.


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Hi Tanya, do you think you're developing an eating disorder? You shouldn't think about throwing up your food, that's not healthy.
Have you told your husband how you feel and about the jealousy, maybe ye can resolve this together,

Inmemoryofyou x


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I would watch out for the desire to throw up your food thing, I was anorexic for several years, and once an eating disorder develops its not easy to get over. Maybe you can feel better about eating if you make healthy eating choices...I dont know if you already eat healthy or not, but it could possibly help.


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You seem quite a nice person and as usual, with depression, you have low self esteem sometimes. You recognise this which is a good start - some don't grasp why it is happening and assume its just who they are.

So, try to see the opposite of what you are feeling - know that with help and with a good husband, plus the intelligence to see through depression, you'll be a lot better once things fit into place and you realise you have a place in this world, a role, many roles in fact - and you also have a lot of possibilities whereby who you are now and who you will be like light and darkness.

My good wishes as ever!
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