I just really want to end my life

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by socialoutcast, Feb 8, 2014.

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  1. socialoutcast

    socialoutcast New Member

    I feel that my life will never change. I just want to die. I have no hope. I feel like my whole identity is just a scapegoat for others. I have been bullied, attacked and taken advantage of my whole life. I am tired of waking up every morning with the same pain and hopelessness. I used to always have faith in myself and my goals and being a motivated person. But now nothing seems worth it. Nothing in my life ever gets made right. Nobody is ever held accountable for the things they have done to me. My parents phsyically and verbally abused me and they never suffered anything because of it...but I had to suffer the resentment, eating disorders, low self-esteem and depression of being abused as a child. I was sexually assaulted by an acquaintance over a year ago, and I have minded my own business, going to work and school and just trying to cope but he is still going around lying on all his social media accounts acting like I am a slut or something. I just want to die. I'm tired of it. I don't want to keep working and keep "being responsible" and keep hoping for a good life with a good spouse and a peaceful life when it just seems like no matter how hard I try or how hard I work my life will always just be ruined by pain and that I'll never be happy ever again.
  2. It seems to me that you have a lot going for you. You hold a job and still manage school. Yur stronger than most people. Hang in there if you can, life has a way of turning out right after all the bad, sometimes.
    You know yur situation better than anyone. Perhaps there are certain aspects of yur situation you can some how get rid of, and I know there are ones that you can not, not immediately at least. I do wonder though, why anyone would ever willingly have a "social media account" in the first place (such as fakebook, myspace, google groups, etc).
    Such things do not provide convenience or any ability to communicate beyond what e-mail already does yet it does make anyone who signed up for such a thing susceptible to all the weird evil stuff that people do with those things in the first place. Also, if you have any real friends, perhaps crashing on some friend's couch a few nites a week would help you remove yourself from people and situations that are making life bad for you.
    Sounds to me like yur close to the end of yur rope, so to speak... I've been there. I'm there right now with my own life. I find that isolating myself from everything but the bare necessities works for the mean-time for me, till I figure my own situation out. My Job and just a handful of people I know and trust are the only contact I have with anyone or anything lately besides e-mail, the phone, and a few BBS forums I frequent on the net (such as this one, for instance). Nobody in physical life can find me or knows where I am (save 3 people that I crash their places sometimes) and nobody knows my phone number except my work associates and perhaps some people that are now long gone on the blocked list.
    Sometimes ya just gotta do it like that. Doing that helped me.
    Good luck to you.
  3. whybother2014

    whybother2014 Member

    I'm sorry. I wish I can help. Unfortunately, I'm on this forum too so this is like the blind leading the blind. If you're still in school, you must be on the young side. I wish I can tell you there is a method or a way you can transform yourself to find happiness, but I would be lying if I told you that people who were abused as children find their way easily. It will frequently be a struggle. A lucky few might find their way but ... as you can see, I'm probably about 10 years older than you, and I'm nowhere better than you.
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi there, I could have wrote what you just did a year ago but I have come out on the better side. You talk about not being good enough...you have to be kinder towards yourself. be who you want to be and try not to care about what others think...thats what got me through my crisis.
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