i just ruined my life

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by DarkLordVader, Mar 19, 2012.

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  1. DarkLordVader

    DarkLordVader Well-Known Member

    if i thought i was screwed before, i am totally screwed now. i have not been in school for 20 years and have no idea how hard college work is. dealing with my insomnia and not sleeping has taken its final toll on me. because i cant sleep at night i normally sleep during the day, thats when my body shuts down. so i was trying to catch up on work so i can pass this semester, well this most recent assignment i used some information from a website. i dont have skills to reword things, so i did use it word for word. now it seems my school days are in jeopardy, because i am a fuck up and a moron. so i dont know what to do anymore, i hate myself and i hate life even more now. i guess its all my fault for being such a idiot because i cant sleep. if i could i would not have these problems, good thing i saved money because death feels alot better then living with this bullshit that i am and always will be a loser. now im gonna drink and smoke some dope, maybe after ill take a drive into nowhere
     
  2. tearsallday

    tearsallday Account Closed

    School sucks and college is even harder... but that doesn't mean that you should end it. Please reconsider your decision. We care here. Please come talk to me. I'm dealing with insomnia too... and college life sucks when you can't sleep but please don't quit.
     
  3. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Right! I did my second degree in my 40s......talk about a bloody shock to the system :eek:hmy:
    Was a single parent with a child just starting secondary school, worked the holidays to survive financially and took a degree in a subject I had no fecking knowledge of......stupid me!
    What you need to do is go see your tutor, explain the situation and apologise for the plagerism and offer(immediately) to re-do assignment...get doc letter to back you up, doc letters carry immense weight with academics.

    What you need is a proper plan in place for assignment deadlines and study.
    Don't go mad, cos that will set you up for failure, but a good steady pace with time off inbetween.
    I thought I'd never get thru it, but actually managed a 2:1 in computer science when I didnt know how to turn the bloody computer on in the first year!
     
  4. DarkLordVader

    DarkLordVader Well-Known Member


    no tutor available to me because they work when i am sleeping
    my doctor doesnt give a shit about me so no letter there
    anything else i can waste my time trying?
    i am sick of trying and getting nowhere, i swear i want to take out a few people before i do myself
     
  5. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    Have you seen a regular medical doctor for assistance in your sleep issues?

    Cheating is too easy to detect these days, thanks to the Internet. They just need enter a few lines from your assignment into Google and it will take them directly to the plagiarized source. Learn a lesson from that. Screwing up in school is not a good reason for anything extreme. It's only school. In a year, you won't even care any more. Honest. Try to mend the damage and then move forward.
     
  6. melosine

    melosine Active Member

    Wow, I can relate. I actually signed on to complain about the same thing. College is so hard for me. I have a paper to do and I don't know what to write, it is based on readings and I cant decipher what I am reading. I am too dumb for school. I think you should be proud of yourself for going back to school. I think that is already an accomplishment. You shouldnt be so hard on yourself. There is always a chance for you to try and do better next time.
     
  7. melosine

    melosine Active Member

    What happened to your first degree?
     
  8. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    nothing :lol!: I still have it

    but I love learning new stuff.

    my first degree was in English literature, I fancied a challenge so did computing.
    Am now considering studying history or theology....I like the challenge.
     
  9. DarkLordVader

    DarkLordVader Well-Known Member

    my doctor wont do squat, no mental health doctors available here, so now what?
     
  10. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    ok, seek out the student union/ and or counsellor.

    they carry some clout with the bigwigs and can help you get back on track.

    But do go and see your tutor over the plagerism.
    Being honest will go a long way to mitigating the situation and offering to re-do the assignment, unless he/she is a complete ratbag, should solve the problem.
     
  11. DarkLordVader

    DarkLordVader Well-Known Member

    cant see a tutor because they are working while i am sleeping, NEXT
     
  12. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    then u have to bite the bullet and stay awake.
    go sort it and then sleep.
     
  13. DarkLordVader

    DarkLordVader Well-Known Member

    lol right, that wont work
    i know what is in store for me
    gander mountain here i come
     
  14. toshi

    toshi Well-Known Member

    It sounds like you're really in a bad place right now. You are not a fuck up, idiot, moron, or whatever. Have you always not been able to sleep during the day?
     
  15. rv498

    rv498 Well-Known Member

    I'm back to college too after 20 years of being in physically intensive jobs (army, fedex). When I was 17, I thought I was getting ahead cuz I was accepted to a full 4yr uni and started that age. Now I am 39 and still attempting an undergrad degree. It's depressing when your classmates is half as young as you. So next quarter, I am gonna do everything online. 1st Quarter back, I got 2 As and a B. This quarter, I don't know yet. My problem is actually other way around. Reading makes me fall asleep very easy and I have to read a lot for philosophy class. All day I struggle with depression because at this age, I'll be like, "What is the point? ". Then I remind myself, well I am still breathing, so I need to work. But really, I pray that God would just take me home. Anyways, hang in there. Life is hard for most of us, in one sense, I am glad that I am half way through. Good luck to you.
     
  16. DarkLordVader

    DarkLordVader Well-Known Member

    its over for me, there is nothing i can say that will save my classes
    im screwed, i ruined everything
    i am a loser and ill never recover from this
     
  17. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni


    You are the one paying your doctor (or your insurance is), so ultimately the doctor works for you. If he won't do squat, drop him or her and find one that will. Sometimes it takes several tries to find the right doctor. We've all had good and bad ones. Where are you located that there are no mental health services available?
     
  18. DarkLordVader

    DarkLordVader Well-Known Member

    i live in a shithole city that doesnt cater to people on medicade
    so i just sit here and suffer
     
  19. DarkLordVader

    DarkLordVader Well-Known Member

    whats with the chatroom feature here? i cant enter a room because its password protected? how am i suppose to talk with people if the site doesnt allow me? is there some sort of clique here that i should be aware of?
     
  20. toshi

    toshi Well-Known Member

    no, not at all. I'm new too. i, like anyone can am first taken to the entrance lobby, then i click on either any room in which i'd like to chat. i did notice that sometimes one room may be password protected, but i assumed it was one of the mods or administrators meeting someone in deep crisis who has asked for it...but I'm not sure. It probably is explained in the rules for chat. please don't feel excluded. I'm sure there is a good explanation. if it helps I'm on. i may not have answers but i can listen.
     
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