I just threw away money I need

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Hazel Morse, Jun 27, 2016.

  1. Hazel Morse

    Hazel Morse Well-Known Member

    I just did something really stupid, I lost more money because I'm a coward.

    I throw money at people in these situations because I feel I need to pay money to apologise for taking up space on this earth. But someone who just threw away a weeks' rent, when I'm on my way (literally, I'm in a taxi to the airport) to being unemployed and homeless - doesn't that person deserve death? Or harm?

    I just have this screamimg need to punish myself for my stupidity.
     
  2. Brian C.

    Brian C. New Member

    No. You do not deserve death. You deserve a good life. You made a mistake. but that is OK.
     
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    wow I can relate. I buy people gifts (or used to) because I was under the illusion that I could ''buy'' friends. I'm just very naive. Do I have any friends? No. I pushed them all away because they were users and took advantage. I can totally relate to how you are feeling. Just live and learn would be my best advice to you :)
     
  4. mpk

    mpk Well-Known Member

    Hazel, Don't be to hard on yourself everyone has done monetary things that did not work out right. It will be okay.
     
  5. Hazel Morse

    Hazel Morse Well-Known Member

    It's good to know...i think the lure of getting friends is very common. I don't know if I've always been super-cynical but I've never given presents and money with the hope of getting someone to like me; only tolerate me.
     
  6. Hazel Morse

    Hazel Morse Well-Known Member

    My rationale mind understands this but my lizard brain needs messages like yours to stave off panic. Thank you.
     
  7. Hazel Morse

    Hazel Morse Well-Known Member

    Thank you, this means a lot. I hope your money/ housing situation is looking brighter, too.
     
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I'm just curious... what exactly did you do with the money? If you gave it to homeless people it's a bit different, just honestly curious about how exactly you ''spent'' it.

    Anyway as I was saying earlier it took my 11 y/o niece to teach me that you cannot but friends. I could give her 50 euro and she'd say fuck you (not right I know but just an example). Some people can be bought, they are the users, my ''friend'' M hasn't spoken to me since I refused to loan her money for cigarettes. And then there's the ''hinting'' which drives me nuts '' I really need painkillers but I have no money, what am I going to do?!'' yeah that was something I used to fall for, I am even embarrassed admitting that.
     
  9. mpk

    mpk Well-Known Member

    Hazel, my situation is stagnant to say the least, thank you for asking. I hope that things work out for you.
     
  10. Hazel Morse

    Hazel Morse Well-Known Member

    Those are compassionate reasons at least; I don't even like to say what I did I'm so disgusted with myself, but in a moment of panic I offered more money for something than I needed to (because I felt guilty, as I always do, for no good reason), and my landlady took advantage.

    I am such an idiot and a weakling. But I am out of China, back in Australia now so there are fewer opportunities for me to fuck up like this (no language barriers, and I can find out legal stuff more easily) but it doesn't ensure that it won't happen again.
     
  11. Hazel Morse

    Hazel Morse Well-Known Member

    I'm glad it is at least not worse - mine is similar and I am out of China at least.
     
  12. jxdama

    jxdama Staff Member Safety & Support

    Would it be possible to temporarily give control of your money to someone you trust?
     
    Petal likes this.
  13. mpk

    mpk Well-Known Member

    Hazel, thank you. I hope things work out for you at in your home country.