I just threw away money I need

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Hazel Morse, Jun 27, 2016.

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  1. Hazel Morse

    Hazel Morse Well-Known Member

    I just did something really stupid, I lost more money because I'm a coward.

    I throw money at people in these situations because I feel I need to pay money to apologise for taking up space on this earth. But someone who just threw away a weeks' rent, when I'm on my way (literally, I'm in a taxi to the airport) to being unemployed and homeless - doesn't that person deserve death? Or harm?

    I just have this screamimg need to punish myself for my stupidity.
     
  2. Brian C.

    Brian C. New Member

    No. You do not deserve death. You deserve a good life. You made a mistake. but that is OK.
     
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    wow I can relate. I buy people gifts (or used to) because I was under the illusion that I could ''buy'' friends. I'm just very naive. Do I have any friends? No. I pushed them all away because they were users and took advantage. I can totally relate to how you are feeling. Just live and learn would be my best advice to you :)
     
  4. mpk

    mpk Well-Known Member

    Hazel, Don't be to hard on yourself everyone has done monetary things that did not work out right. It will be okay.
     
  5. Hazel Morse

    Hazel Morse Well-Known Member

    It's good to know...i think the lure of getting friends is very common. I don't know if I've always been super-cynical but I've never given presents and money with the hope of getting someone to like me; only tolerate me.
     
  6. Hazel Morse

    Hazel Morse Well-Known Member

    My rationale mind understands this but my lizard brain needs messages like yours to stave off panic. Thank you.
     
  7. Hazel Morse

    Hazel Morse Well-Known Member

    Thank you, this means a lot. I hope your money/ housing situation is looking brighter, too.
     
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I'm just curious... what exactly did you do with the money? If you gave it to homeless people it's a bit different, just honestly curious about how exactly you ''spent'' it.

    Anyway as I was saying earlier it took my 11 y/o niece to teach me that you cannot but friends. I could give her 50 euro and she'd say fuck you (not right I know but just an example). Some people can be bought, they are the users, my ''friend'' M hasn't spoken to me since I refused to loan her money for cigarettes. And then there's the ''hinting'' which drives me nuts '' I really need painkillers but I have no money, what am I going to do?!'' yeah that was something I used to fall for, I am even embarrassed admitting that.
     
  9. mpk

    mpk Well-Known Member

    Hazel, my situation is stagnant to say the least, thank you for asking. I hope that things work out for you.
     
  10. Hazel Morse

    Hazel Morse Well-Known Member

    Those are compassionate reasons at least; I don't even like to say what I did I'm so disgusted with myself, but in a moment of panic I offered more money for something than I needed to (because I felt guilty, as I always do, for no good reason), and my landlady took advantage.

    I am such an idiot and a weakling. But I am out of China, back in Australia now so there are fewer opportunities for me to fuck up like this (no language barriers, and I can find out legal stuff more easily) but it doesn't ensure that it won't happen again.
     
  11. Hazel Morse

    Hazel Morse Well-Known Member

    I'm glad it is at least not worse - mine is similar and I am out of China at least.
     
  12. jxdama

    jxdama Staff Member Safety & Support

    Would it be possible to temporarily give control of your money to someone you trust?
     
    Petal likes this.
  13. mpk

    mpk Well-Known Member

    Hazel, thank you. I hope things work out for you at in your home country.
     
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