i just wanna cry!!

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this is such a pathetic thing to be getting down over but its just something to push me over the edge....
its my ex's birthday today and i want him. he drove 30 miles two weeks ago to come o a night out with me and my friend-we both got very drunk and some stuff nearly happened (luckily my friend was not that drunk!) i have not heard from him since. i text him this morning to say happy birthday and only got a cold reply back. everything is going wrong and this is just the lastest thing thats making me feel so bad. its been on and of for ages and everytime i think it has finished and start coming to terms with it he texts me saying how much he loves me and misses me and needs tosee me etc. i ignore it for ages then fianally give in-but then he's not interested anymore. i know its all mind-games. am i such a horrible person that he doesn't even wanna talk to me?! i know it's because i'm fat but i am trying to do something about that.
my life is so f**ked up and i just wanna die.
sorry for the rant x
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