I just wanna die ..

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by kreynox, Aug 13, 2014.

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  1. kreynox

    kreynox New Member

    I just turned 17 today, I live in Italy but I was born in another country. I live with my mom since my parents are divorced. Anyway, my biggest dream is to move to the USA. I've always loved that country and my biggest passion in life is american football which I play here in Italy, I'm a hip hop head and in love with old school west coast hip hop. I had an uncle who used to work in the USA until a couple of months ago he decided to move to another country. He even paid for my trip last year and invited me to his house in California for a week. It was amazing. I really loved everything: people chillin in the neighborhood, kids playin, warm weather, everything was good, it just felt right. I also went to him on the road since he's also a truck driver and absolutely loved it, I could see myself working with him. But, as always, my "luck" kicked me in the face and so right now I don't have any chance of moving there because you either have to marry an american woman (I don't want an arranged marriage, I still believe in real love so I will not arrange a marriage just for a green card), the other option would be the lottery, which is pretty impossible since there are 70 million people in Italy and you need to at least have a diploma and a lot of money in your bank account which I don't. The other option would be to be a worker so skilled that you rarely find in the USA, some kind of genius or doctor who found the cure of cancer, which I'm not. So I'm stuck in this country, where everyone is close minded and always try to put people like me down who have (or at least had) dreams of a new life, where they didn't hate everything around them. I wouldn't mind dying, seriously, I believe everyone should have a goal in their life <Mod Edit, WildCherry>. My goal was humble, in my opinion: I just wanted to have a roof over my head and food on the table, live in the USA, and watch the sunset (I fell in love with California's sunsets when I was there). I rather be broke in the USA than rich in Italy, I'd give all my money and my life to be there but that just seems impossible. And please, don't say "oh don't worry America is not that great". I've been there, and since I'm usually a depressed guy, those were the happiest days of my life where I didn't have a single dark thought, which I had in every other country I visited (France, Germany, England, Ireland, and Italy, where I live). It might not be the best for everybody but it would've been the best for me. I just feel so hopeless, I hate that I can't pursue my dream just because I wasn't born in the USA ..Anyway, I wish everyone a good day and thanks for reading my post. :)
     
  2. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi, welcome to the forum. You are young and want to achieve your dreams. You can still get to America but surely different ways. Do not give up hope as you got the rest of your life to live. If you did anything then think of the impact on your family. If you get married, there is nothing stopping you living your dreams in America. Please do not feel down, everyone has ambitions but you can achieve with hard work.

    You have a lot life to live, so feel down. Over-thinking does not help the situation but try to remain positive and perhaps speak to someone. Perhaps ring Samritians Onlus on 800 860022. Speak to someone and they listen to you. Keep posting for care and support.
     
  3. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    There are actually many other ways to get to the US besides what you have listed. You have listed ways to get a permanent green card from scratch- but a far simpler approach is simple to get a job and a work visa- or as a 17 year old- apply for college and and get a student visa to come the the US . In either of these once you gain permanent full time employment you are jumped way to the front of the line in the process for permanent residency. Realistically at 17 th ebest bet is to look into student visa's and finding a school to study at.
     
  4. kreynox

    kreynox New Member

    Unfortunately here in Italy high school lasts 5 years so I'll finish high school at 19, plus, I don't have straight A's so I won't get a scholarship, and attending college in the US costs more than 100K, which, well, my parents can't afford of course
     
  5. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I lived in italy for 5 years and loved it - and the 2 years of additional schooling works to your favor as it gives more time to work on grades, look at schools and try to make plans. That is really the bottom line- you are deciding at 17 and stil in school what will be possible for you to do (and what you want to do ) as an adult - which you are not yet. You need to finish high school before you do anything else regardless so your concerns of moving are still 2 years away whatever happens. Use that time to try to make plans more achievable instead of bemoaning what is going to be difficult. That is plenty of time to work on grades and look for other avenues- but at the same time very short in consideration of your whole life.
     
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