I just wanna die.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by bridbby, Sep 6, 2008.

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  1. bridbby

    bridbby New Member

    I have no desire to live anymore. I've been suicidal for the past 4 years. When I was 11 I tried to hang myself because I got teased all the time and sometimes threatened , but my mom caught me and then yelled at me Then for the next 3 years I just cried all the time. I ended up not going back to public school and instead my mom decided to home school me because I refused to go. Since then I've lost all my friends. I've flunked 3 times. My depression has gotten way worse to the point where I have started cutting. I have no one, my family doesn't care about me. People always tell me that they probably do and that i just don't know it. But they don't. My mom completely ignores me my sisters and brothers tell me constantly that I should just die and that no one would miss me or leave so so they don't have to see me. The main reason why I want to die is because of my childhood I did not have a good one at all I could live with the teasing but when I was little someone I knew very well used to touch me all the time Until i was about 7. Then from there I made some really bad decisions and messed up other peoples lives and I hate myself for it. people always say it's gonna get better but it's gotten worse. i just can't live with all this pain. Day after day I find myself crying for hours and contemplating on whether or not i should just do it.
     
  2. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Good morning Bridbby,
    Welcome to the forum! You need to seek help. A good therapist will help! Don't let your sister bring you down. Life is full of ups and downs. You just need to find yourself and build from there.For instance I like to try and help others here on the forum!! As far as getting out and meeting new people I don't do that I prefer to Isolate! I have learned that I still have a kind heart even though I hide it so know one can get inside of my way of thinking.
    My therapist tells me it is o.k. to stay to myself. I had to look at my situation really hard and come up with my conclusion. I told her I didn't want to give anyone the chance to get inside. She said that was o.k. I do open up to her because she doesn't judge me, she listens and gives me Ideas to stop and think about. So think it over and see if you can find a studio apartment so you can get away from the negative thoughts your family is trying to lay on you. You don't have to accept that shit from your family!! Good Luck and see you around the forum.
     
  3. aki

    aki Well-Known Member

    awww gosh, I'm so sorry :( What a terrible time you've had. It's not your fault, anyway would be depressed and feel so broken if they'd gone through what you have. I agree, I think therapy will help, if you can afford it. It's good just being able to talk and for someone to offer you some comfort and help to overcome your problems. Maybe you could go to your doctor and tell him/her how low you feel and they could help you out with some support, maybe some medication. I'm guessing you're pretty young, in a few years you can move away from your family who sound horrible and unsupportive.
    It's not your fault about school, you've had a hard life and resulting depression which can make it so hard to be motivated and concentrated. When you get a bit better you can maybe try again, but please look after yourself first.
    I really hope you can overcome this, and you can, you're very strong just to have survived all you have. The main thing is that you deserve to come through this and live a happy life. You deserve it, think about achieving any of the dreams you have. Don't give up hope.
     
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