I Just Wanna Leave Now

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by lilella44, Jul 26, 2008.

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  1. lilella44

    lilella44 Well-Known Member

    leave this life, i cant take anymore.
    16 and failing life, failing my parents, boyfriend, everyone. eyes are red and swollen and stinging from crying all morning. spoke to my parents about going back to the school i was at last year coz i dont fit in at the one im at now; they reckon we cant afford it, which is absolute bullshit. they're just too fkn stingy to pay for anything.
    told them i skipped school all last week; dad made a point of making me feel like i was the most self absorbed, rotten piece of useless shit that there ever was. he did a good job, hence why i am on here, letting out the suicidal feelings.
    told my boyfriend i skipped school all last week; he was angry too.
    we were on the way up to get him from his boarding house & it ended up he couldnt come coz he couldnt get permission. that was the cherry on top of a fantastic morning. on the way back home dad continued to tell me how much i was worrying everyone and how much pressure i was putting on everyone and how i was screwing up my life. needless to say, as usual he didnt listen to what i had to say.
    so now im sitting here thinking theres no other way out. i know how i'd do it, and i know what with.
    i know for damn sure that everyones life would be alot better and stress free if i was dead.
    so what have i got left.
  2. silent_enigma

    silent_enigma Well-Known Member

    I don't think it's possible to be failing life at 16. But it's certainly possible to feel like it! A year ago I felt like I had screwed up my life so bad I may as well get it over with and leave. But it was the illness of depression that was making me feel like that. My advice is to get whatever treatment is available in your area.
  3. middleofnowhere

    middleofnowhere Well-Known Member

    I don't know how many times I've either thought or said two things: no one will miss me; everyone is better off with me gone. I continue to be reminded that those things are only true in my depressed state of mind, that it is distorted thinking. I can acknowledge that part of the time - that's a start, at least. How about taking a little time off, moving your mind away from the distorted thinking and put yourself in a happy dream world - the world that could be. What if? That can be a comforting question to ask ourselves if we can think of pleasant answers.
  4. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Sometimes parents say things out of anger that they don't really mean, just as I am sure you have. They may regret it later, but are afraid to admit they have been wrong. How long have you been at your new school? How long were you at the old one? Did you really give it a chance to make new friends and fit in? What is the difference between the two schools? It sounds as though your family may be going through some difficult times. I hope things turn around for you. I don't think you are a failure for what has been going on. Work to change those things you find most disappointing right now. One step at a time. It may mean accepting the fact you will have to attend the new school, but you can work to change other factors about it. Don't look at it with such negativity. That can make all the difference in the world. :hug:
  5. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Middle of Nowhere has given you one of the coping skills. Visualization-picture yourself in a serrene place. Let your mind relax and just enjoy your surroundings. That coping skill helps you relax and releives stress. My self I picture being in a boat and I am just floating by enjoying mother natures handy work. Please be safe.Try not to let the distortions contriol your thoughts...
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